All That You Can't Leave Behind
by LauraGarthwait
Summary: A/U revolving around Tara and Jax starting from when Jax pushes her away so she'll follow her dream and go to college. He pushes her into the arms of another man with a dark family secret that will bring trouble to Tara, Jax, and all of Samcro
1. Chapter 1

A/N: The chapter for A Place for My Head will be updated later today. I'm working on editing it,

I couldn't get this story out of my head so I wanted to get it wrote down before I forgot about it. As always reviews are always appreciated! Thanks for reading!

 **PROLOGUE:**

 **True love. That's the kind of love that Tara Knowles and Jax Teller had.**

 **She was the only girl who would ever have own his heart. The only girl who could turn his world upside down just by a touch, a smile, and no matter how horrible he felt she could make his day better.**

 **He was her best friend, her soul mate, her knight in a leather kutte. He swooped in when her life was at it's worst. Her father had become an alcoholic who loved his booze more than he loved her. Jax was her rescuer, always saving her from her nightmares, saving her from her reality.**

 **The two of them were inseparable. If there was a moment when they couldn't be together both of them hated it and moped around until they could be together. They had a crazy love that was only heard about in fairy tales.**

 **Tara had become a daughter to all of Samcro, especially to Gemma. Tara was the daughter she never had, and she loved Tara as her own. It was a bumpy road at first, Gemma wasn't sure if Tara was cut out to be an old lady but warmed up rather quickly to her.**

 **Jax and Tara had been together for two years when things started to go down hill. Jax was a new prospect for Samcro and Tara had received her acceptance letter to a college across the country, both of them resentful of the other for taking a different path.**

 **Tara decided against college, opting to stay in Charming with Jax.**

 **Tara's father was not happy with this, even after all of the damage he had done to Tara, deep down inside he was proud of her for who she was, how smart she was and wasn't going to sit by and let Jackson Teller ruin her life.**

 **"You don't love her. If you loved her you wouldn't let her throw her life away for you. You wouldn't hold her back from her greatness, the light she has is going to burn out in this town, with you. She's giving up everything she's worked hard for, she's had straight A's since kindergarten. All she's ever wanted to be is a surgeon. I've let her down, I own that. I wasn't the father I needed to be for her. You say you love her, let her go. Don't let her waste the gift she's been given to stay here with you. Let her go, son. Make her go. If you really love her, make her go. You're going to ruin her life if you let her stay here with you. Don't let this town hold her hostage like it has so many others." Tara's dad sobbed after a heated exchange with Jax.**

 **Jax knew he was right, if he let her stay her life would be ruined. She would eventually hate him for keeping her here. He thought about all of the club hang-arounds, the old ladies, their whole life was about the club. Tara was better than that. She had so much to offer this world and he would be damned if he let her throw it away for him. He knew what he had to do. He knew it would break her heart, but in the end he knew it was for the best. He couldn't leave Samcro. He wouldn't. She would. She had to, it was up to him to make it happen. He couldn't be selfish with her. Her dad was right about one thing at least, she deserved better than this life.**

 **She loved him enough to give up her dream for him. He loved her enough not to let her despite the pain it would inevitably cause them both.**

 **Both determined to do what's best for the other, neither ready for the consequences that were bound to follow.**

 **************************************************************************** **Chapter 1**

 _"Hey, meet me at the clubhouse around 2:30. I need to talk to you."_ Tara read the message Jax had sent her. She was worried, he had been acting weird since she told him she wasn't going to college right away.

" _Everything okay?"_ She replied back, chewing on the tip of the cap of her pen, getting more anxious the more time went by waiting on a response.

" _Yea just meet me. C u then."_ She stared at the message, certain that something was wrong, he always ended his texts with I love you.

 _"Okay, I'll be there, I love you baby."_ She replied, finishing her last section of notes for her final on Friday.

She glanced back at her phone before class ended but he never responded. Something was definitely wrong. She just knew it.

She ditched her last class to get to the clubhouse by 2:30, she didn't know what was wrong with him but she was anxious to get to the bottom of it no matter how long it took.

She arrived at 2:25. She walked into the clubhouse noticing the panicked look Opie had once he saw her.

"Hey Tara, he's not here right now." Op stepped in front of her.

"Where is he?" She asked, looking around the almost empty room.

"He's out with JT, I think."

"On the dyna?" Tara asked, eyes narrowing.

"Yup." Opie nodded, still blocking the way into the dorm room hallway.

"I thought we were friends Op." Tears filled her eyes, she now knew something was definitely going on if Opie was lying to her for him.

"We are friends, Knowles. You know I love you like a sister." Op grinned.

"Yeah, well I say bullshit. His dyna is sitting out there right beside yours." She stepped around him.

"Maybe they took the tow..." Opie started but Tara interrupted him. "Save it." She opened the door to the room she spent so much time in lately.

She found Jax laying in bed, naked and alone. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hey babe, I thought something was wrong. Opie said you weren't here but your dyna was here, I was afraid of what I was walking into but of course you wouldn't hurt me like that I don't know what I was thinking. I love you." She blurted out.

Just then his bathroom door opened up and Wendy, a croweater walked out wearing nothing but Jax's Samcro shirt.

Tara was frozen, eyes darting from Jax to Wendy.

"You..How..Why." She stammered, unable to form a whole sentence. Tears streaming down her face.

"Get out Wendy, I'll see you later." Jax ordered and Wendy did as she was told.

Tara was still frozen in place, unable to make herself move. In her mind, she was long gone from this room, from Charming, from the man who had just broken her heart and didn't show any sign of remorse.

"Why?" She asked again, angrily wiping the tears from her eyes.

"It's pretty obvious isn't it? You're not meant for this life. You are meant for so much more. I want you to go to college, become the Doctor that we both know you can be." He stated, pulling on his boxers.

"This is because you want me to leave? Don't you think me leaving is my choice? You can't make me leave you." She shouted.

"You're right, I can't make you leave Charming or go to school but you and me are done. There's nothing left for you here. So go." Jax answered roughly, hiding the emotions threatening to escape. He had to do this, it was what's best for her.

"I'm not leaving you. We can get past this. I love you Jackson. You're the only family I have left. Please don't do this." She begged. She hated how desperate she sounded, it sounded pathetic even in her own ears.

"I can't make you leave. I'm not your family. Samcro is not your family. Leave the clubhouse, do not come back," He took a deep breath forcing his next words to out. "I don't want you anymore, you're not old lady material. I have to move on and find someone who will be good for me and the club and lets face it darlin that's not you. So go. Just go."

Tara nodded, unable to speak, not willing to let herself beg. She turned and walked out of the room that was more like her home than her own home, refusing to look back.

Jax Teller didn't love her anymore. He made that perfectly clear. Her time here in Charming was finished. If she didn't have him, she had no family to stay around for. Her dad sure as hell wouldn't notice she was gone. She would miss Donna, she loved her dearly but she couldn't stay here and see Jax move on without her. That would kill her for sure. Gemma would probably side with Jax, so she's lost her second mother too. He was right, she had no one.

He made the decision for her she would move away from Charming, from him, and never return. She had to do this for herself, her heart couldn't take anymore. She would change her number, change everything she could, she had to erase Jackson Teller from her heart and mind. She had to finish her finals and then she could take the money her grandmother left her and get the hell out of this place.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This story will have flashbacks from their time apart. It WILL BE a Jax and Tara based love story, just not at first. Keep that in mind :) Happy reading!

"Jax, is Tara joining us for dinner?" Gemma asked, hoping to get some information on why her son was spiraling out of control and why she hasn't seen her daughter in a few days.

Since the moment Jax watched Tara walk out of the clubhouse he felt as if someone had his heart in a vise. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think straight. That's probably because he hasn't been sober since he decided to push her away. He's wanted to go to her several times and apologize and beg her to forgive him but he couldn't. He couldn't let her give up her dream to be with him. She deserved so much more. So instead of ruining Tara's life he spends his days and nights drunk and balls deep in whatever pussy walks by.

"No. We're not together anymore." Jax answers, laying back down, covering his head with his pillow.

Gemma was determined to get to the bottom of this. Surely she could fix this. She couldn't stand to see her son so heartbroken and she knew that if they had in fact broken up Tara wasn't any better off.

"Opie, what happened with Jax and Tara?" Gemma questioned, knowing if anyone had the scoop on her son it would be Opie.

"Sorry Gem, he's not really talking. I just know they broke up." Opie replied, hurrying out before he could be questioned further. He did not want to be the one to break it to her that Jax set Tara up for heartbreak.

"Fine, I'll go see Tara myself. She'll tell me." Gemma muttered to herself.

"Hello Mark, I was looking for Tara?" Gemma said politely when Tara's father came to the door, hiding the disgust she felt for the man that had abandoned Tara when she needed him the most.

"Not here. Moved to college." Mark slurred.

"What do you mean moved to college?" Gemma pushed.

"I mean she moved away from you and that poisionous club." He puffed his chest up, eyes glazed over.

"Where?" Gemma asked, surely Tara hadn't left without saying goodbye.

"She's not in California. That's all you need to know." He shut the door in Gemma's face.

Gemma rushed back home to find all of Samcro there, ready for the dinner that she hadn't even started working on yet dealing with the Tara issue.

"Jackson! What do you know about Tara moving away from California?" Gemma shouted at him causing everyone in the room to stare at them.

Jax's eyes shot up. She's already gone? How had she left so fast?

"She chose to go to school." He said, looking down at the floor. "She decided that's what she needed to do." He lied, he couldn't bring himself to admit he's the reason she left.

"That's such bullshit." Donna yelled interrupting him. "She left because YOU made her. YOU fucked that crow-eater and set her up to walk in on it. She left because YOU told her she had no family here and that YOU didn't want her. DO NOT put this on her asshole." Donna screamed at him.

Donna had the memory of Tara laying on her bedroom floor screaming into her pillow, crying hysterically.

Everyone was staring at Jax.

"What is she talking about?" Gemma stepped forward standing toe to toe with Jax.

"I had to. She was going to give up her dream of becoming a doctor to be with me, to be an old lady for Samcro. She's so much better than that. She deserves better than me. I only saved her from resenting me and the club down the line after she wasted her life being with me." A single tear fell from his eye. "I loved her enough to let her go, if you love her like you say you do, you'll let her be." He walked away, grabbing another bottle of tequila on his way out.

Opie followed him out. "I understand why you did what you did. I don't understand why you did it the way you did it."

"Let it go bro, I'm not in the mood." Jax growled.

"No I won't let it go. We all loved Tara and you broke her heart. Cheating and telling her we weren't her family, that was a bitch move and you know it." Opie hissed back at him.

"I had to. She wouldn't leave otherwise. She was willing to let the cheating go and stay anyways. I had to do something." Jax chugged the tequilla in his hands.

"Maybe it wasn't your call, maybe you should have been man enough to let her make her own decision."

"Fuck you man, just get the hell out." Jax shoved Opie out the door.

"You can be pissed at me all you want brother, but you know I'm right. The way you handled things was messed up. You didn't even consider the possibility of you making her leave you left her in an unfamiliar place and unprotected. If someone wanted to hurt Samcro, who do you think they're going to go after dumbass? The prince's old lady who is now God knows where and not under any protection."

Jax's head snapped up, obviously never considering the possibility of anyone attacking the club through Tara.

Tara arrived in New York, luckily her aunt still lived there and agreed to let her stay with her until she got into the dorm housing in the fall.

Tara kept herself busy working two jobs, refusing to give herself time to think. If she thinks about him, it's possible she'd pack up right now and go back to him. The only thing really keeping her from it was the words that haunted her dreams. "I don't want you anymore, I'm not your family." Those words played over and over no matter how much she tried to forget.

"Hey Jax is looking for you. He's worried you're going to be a target from Samcro's enemies." Tara read the message from Donna. She changed her number and only gave it to Donna after making her promise she wouldn't let anyone know she knew where she was.

"I'll be fine. I had the crow covered, I've cut my hair. I doubt anyone will even know I've ever been associated with the club. Don't tell them where I am. They won't be able to find me. My records at the college and my employment are sealed, I only use cash and this phone well it's a prepay. I just can't see him right now especially if it's only because he doesn't want me hurt because of him. He doesn't want me, so I don't want to see anyone from the club right now. I just need time, please D don't tell anyone." Tara replied, hoping her best friend would listen.

"Okay, call me if you need anything. If anyone suspicious contacts you, call. I don't want you hurt. I love you T."

"Love you too. I'll be fine but I promise I'll call if needed." Tara put her phone back in her pocket and went back to stocking the shelf at work.

"Has anyone had any luck finding Tara?" Gemma asked, they had been searching for weeks. Every college Tara mentioned applying to said she wasn't enrolled there.

"No. There's no credit card trail, no phone record, we can't find anything. It's like she just disappeared." Jax threw his hands up in the air, running his fingers roughly through his hair.

"We'll find her baby." Gemma hugged him.

"I don't know, I'm thinking she doesn't want to be found. I fucked up pretty bad, ma."

"We will find her. It may take awhile, but something will come up somewhere." Gemma kissed his cheek and went back to sorting the repo orders.

"I hope so." Jax muttered.

 **TEN YEARS LATER**

Tara had been away from Charming for ten years. As the time went by it goes easier for her but she couldn't deny her mind was always on the one man who would always hold her heart despite her current relationship status.

Her time away from Charming was coming to an end as she was set to transfer her residency there in a few weeks. She was tired of hiding from her past. Charming was her home, it would always be her home.

Donna and Opie's wedding was approaching and Tara's the maid of honor. Donna has assured her that no one knows she's coming since even after all of this time no one knows they still communicate. Donna has visited Tara several times over the past ten years, always telling Opie she's visiting her mom which was convenient since her mom only lived a couple of hours away from Tara.

Donna had informed Tara about Jax's shotgun wedding to Wendy a year ago, which broke Tara's heart since it was none other than Wendy that Jax cheated on her with. Their marriage didn't last long and Donna promised her it wasn't love, he was hardly even home, he was lonely and missed Tara fiercely.

Tara refused to let herself slip back into that hole. She had moved on. Things were different. She wasn't the foolish little girl who would give away everything for love anymore and if it wasn't for St. Thomas offering her a better position and better hours she would probably still be hiding from her past.

Tara dressed quickly in the church dressing room. She had managed to sneak through the back with the help from Donna. She wasn't ready to see Jax yet.

The music started and Tara was taking deep breaths. She could sense Jax in the next room even though she couldn't see him yet. Her heart was racing.

Donna's cousins were the bride's maids and were walking out first, Tara continued breathing heavily.

It was finally her turn and slowly she turned the corner, looking up from the floor making eye contact with the boy who had broken her heart ten years ago.

She watched his mouth drop open, clearly shocked to see her. He was even more gorgeous than she remembered and she wasn't sure how that was even possible.

She made it to her spot in front of Chloe and stared at the floor. She could feel his eyes on her and had to remind herself to breathe.

The rest of the ceremony went by way to fast and she knew the moment she had mixed emotions about was fast approaching.

Donna and Opie kissed for their first time as Mr. and Mrs. Harry Winston and they exited the church.

It was time for Jax to walk Tara out. He held out his arm to her and she looped hers through his, still staring at the floor. Her whole body was shaking.

They stepped outside and Jax finally spoke. "You look beautiful." He gave her his lopsided grin, and she felt her insides tingle. Shit.

"Thank you." She said, pulling her arm from his. "Jax, this is Luke, my fiance." She gestured to the man who stepped up and wrapped his arm around her.


	3. Chapter 3

"Luke Scott, nice to meet you." Luke extended his hand out to Jax.

"Fiance?" Jax ignored him all together, and focused on Tara. "You can't be serious."

"She's more than serious, did you expect her to still be waiting on you after ten years?" Luke stepped forward, forcing Jax to acknowledge him.

Jax narrowed his eyes. "That's what old lady means, she's mine...forever. That's what that crow on her back represents. She will forever belong to me bro, you might as well step back." Jax smirked.

Tara felt her heart pounding in her chest, she wasn't ready to have this conversation. Not yet. Not ever.

"Yea, I'm aware of what the tattoo represented BRO. I was also there the day she had it removed." Tara watched Jax's eyes go wide, his smile faltered, pain taking it's spot. She could see he was trying to hide the pain he felt and was bracing herself for the explosion that was sure to follow.

"Luke, can I talk to him for a minute alone? I'll only be a minute." She kissed his cheek.

"You had it removed?" Jax asked, tone flat.

"Yes." Tara held her ground, refusing to look away from his piercing blue eyes.

"How could you do that?" His tone was growing louder. "You took the crow, you were supposed to always be mine." He growled.

"Stop it!" She shouted right back, all of the years of heartache that she kept bottled up came flowing out. "Don't you blame me for this. I was yours, I would have been yours forever but YOU pushed me away remember? You said you didn't want me anymore, you said I wasn't old lady material and you needed to find someone who was. I did what you told me to. You're not the victim in this Jax, stop pretending to be. You're hurt? How the hell do you think I felt when you set me up to catch you cheating on me with a club slut and to top it off you MARRIED HER! So this bullshit you're pulling now with me, with Luke, let it go. JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME AND STAY AWAY FROM LUKE." She paused, noticing that everyone at the reception was staring at them.

"Sorry Donna." She hugged her friend and left the room. She heard glass shattering everywhere in the reception hall. She didn't have to see it to know Jax was throwing anything he could get his hands on.

She felt horrible. This was not how she planned for this to happen. She loved Jax, she always would but Luke was a good man, Jax may own her heart but she prayed with time Luke could reclaim part of it.

"Well that went well." Luke smirked as she got into the car.

"Sorry babe. I knew it wasn't going to be pleasant but Donna's my best friend. I couldn't miss her wedding." She shrugged, pulling her hair down from the band that held it up.

"It's all good, I knew what I was getting into when I asked you to marry me." He grabbed her hand, squeezing it gently.

"I've got to go my meeting with Oswald now. I'll see you later okay? Love you." Luke kissed her as he let her out in the driveway of her dad's old house.

"See you, good luck." She waved him off.

She walked into her dad's house, nothing had changed. It was still cluttered and dusty. If she was going to stay here for any amount of time, this house would need a serious makeover.

She unpacked her bag in her dads old room but went and sat on her old bed. Memories of her and Jax flooded her mind. The first kiss, the first time they made love was all on this bed.

The door bell rang pulling her from her thoughts. She wasn't surprised to see Gemma standing on the other side, Donna by her side which was a surprise she should be with Opie.

"Donna? Why aren't you out celebrating your marriage?" Tara asked, stepping aside to let them in.

"Pshh girl, we've been practically married for 15 years already besides I needed to talk to you." Donna replied.

"What's up?" Tara asked, already sure of why they were here.

"Well for one young lady, how bout you give me a hug? You didn't even say hi at the wedding." Gemma said, pulling Tara in and squeezing her.

"Sorry Gem, I just didn't know how things were now..ya know?"

"We're good sweetheart. I've just missed you. So where's this fiance?" Gemma replied, raising her eyebrows at the word.

"He's meeting with Oswald about some things."

"You're engaged? How could you not tell me?" Donna blurted out.

"Sorry. It just happened, I hadn't even had time to tell you."

"So..tell us now, I didn't even know you were dating anyone." Donna pushed. "He's cute, how long have you been together? Where did you meet? Girl I want details."

"Me too." Gemma said.

"We met not long after I got to New York. I think I had been there just a few days. I had been working two jobs trying to keep my mind off things here so a girl that I worked with offered to take me out and show me around New York. We were at a club when he came up to talk to me. He bought me a few drinks, he was nice, polite, unlike the other guys there who were handsy and trying to get in my pants right then and there. Luke was different. We talked, he walked me home, didn't even try to kiss me. He just asked for my number and it went from there. We became really good friends, he became one of my best friends. One thing led to another we started dating. We moved in together a few years ago, things were going smooth. A few days ago he asked me to marry him." Tara sighed, looking at the ring on her finger.

"Wow. Well if you're happy, I'm happy. Sorry girl, I just always pictured you and Jax married." Donna shrugged.

"Does he treat you good?" Gemma asked, Tara had a feeling she wanted to say more but held back.

"Yes. He's a good guy. I'm very lucky to have him." Tara assured her.

Donna laughed.

"What's funny?" Both Gemma and Tara asked at the same time.

"Sorry. I'm just thinking about how much he looks like Jax. They could be twins except the hair is shorter and darker than Jax's. Sorry, it may just be me." Donna laughed again.

"No, they do look alike. When we first started talking sometimes it was hard to look at him. I looked at him and saw Jax, a part of me wondered if that's why I even gave him a chance. Their similarities are only skin deep. Inside, they are nothing alike." Tara answered, a small smile on her lips.

Gemma watched her expression while she talked about Luke. She knew Tara like a book and Tara wasn't in love with this man, at least not the way she loved Jax. She could see Tara cared for him, but it wasn't the love that she knew Tara could have for someone. No that love was reserved for only one person.

It wasn't her place to get involved, despite all of the time that has passed she still loved Tara like a daughter and only wanted to see her happy. She was going to watch how this all played out from the side lines. It was going to get interesting that's for sure. She saw the hope in her son's eyes the moment he saw Tara appear in the church and if she knows her son he's not going to let go of her so easily this time. If Luke has any chance at all with Tara, he'll have to fight for it.

The door opened and Luke walked back in. "Hey babe, it went..." He turned the corner seeing Tara with company. "Oh sorry, I didn't know you had visitors."

"It's okay. This is Gemma Teller and Donna Winston." She introduced them.

"Nice to meet you." Gemma stood up, shook his hand.

"You too. I've heard a lot about you." He replied.

Tara had talked about missing Gemma all of the time. He knew leaving everyone she loved behind was hard on her, he also knew that Jax Teller would always hold a spot in her heart. He just hoped he held a bigger piece. It was hard on him always knowing he came in second to a memory but he refused to let her know he suspected as much. He would keep trying to erase the memory of Jax, he would love her everyday and hoped it would be enough. He was just going to have to work harder now that Jax was more than a memory, living in the same town. He suspected this memory in particular had something to do with why they were moving here even though she denied it. He refused to let this man come in between them though, Jax had his chance with her and let her go, she was his now.

Gemma and Donna left shortly after Luke arrived. Gemma invited them to her Sunday breakfast tomorrow, Luke agreed to go. He wanted Tara to be with the woman she loved as her mother, he had to admit though he was also looking forward to letting Jax see how happy she was now, without him.

"Why would you want to subject yourself to that? You know Jax will be there, along with all of Samcro?" Tara asked, still shocked he accepted the offer in the first place.

"I know, I agreed because they are your family. You miss them, I don't want you hiding out on my account. I can handle my shit. I promise not to get into another pissing war with the Prince of Charming." He winked.

"It's not you I'm worried about." She put her head in her hands.

"It'll be okay, we don't have to go but I think we should. It's up to you." He kissed the top of her head and went to take a shower.

"Are you sure you want to go to this thing?" Tara asked for the hundredth time as Luke was getting ready.

"Yes babe. It'll be fine, promise. Now get cute ass out of bed and get dressed." He said tossing a shirt to her.

"ARGH fine." She rolled out of bed.

"Well you guys made it." Gemma greeted.

"Of course." Tara smiled politely. Her stomach was in knots.

"Well go on in and find a seat." Gemma gestured to the dining room.

The table was already packed with people, Tara and Luke took the only two seats left which just happened to be across from Jax.

Tara was greeted by everyone in attendance who was around when she and Jax were an item.

"Good morning, babe and uh...what's your name again?" Jax asked, smirking at Luke.

"Luke or if you'd prefer, you can just call me her future husband. Whichever you'd like." Luke smiled widely at Jax.

"Don't start." Tara warned, looking between them both. "Can we please just be civil? Please?" She shot Jax a pleading glance.

The look he gave her caused her insides to stir, she hated that even after all of this time he could still cause her body to react this way. The rest of the breakfast was quiet between the three, tension was thick in the air. Jax stared at Tara and she couldn't feel the wetness between her thighs. Her body was reacting to the penetrating gaze, it was like he could see down into her core and she wasn't able to break eye contact with him.

The Samcro Members were strangely polite to Luke, Tara had actually expected them to bust his balls any chance they got. Gemma must have warned them to play nice, that's the only logical explanation.

After breakfast was finished, Luke excused himself to answer a phone call and Tara helped Gemma clear the dishes.

"You don't love him Tara, I can see it when I look at you. You still love me." Jax brushed against her, his erection pressing against her back. "The way you squirmed in your seat, squeezing your thighs together...yeah I noticed, I bet you're soaking wet. It's all for me. Your body responded to being so close to me. I will get you back. You have always been mine, Tara and I have always been yours. I fucked up when I let you go, I won't make that mistake again." He whispered into her ear his breath tickling her neck,running his hand down her spine, before disappearing out of the room

Tara braced herself against the kitchen sink. She couldn't let him get to her. She wouldn't do that to Luke. He deserved better. She had to forget Jackson Teller. He was to blame in all of this, not her and certainly not Luke. She had to forget about him, she would do whatever it took to keep him from getting to her, even if she had to replay the memory of him cheating on her and the words he used to tear her apart. She would forget about how much she loved him, she had to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you so much for your reviews! An update for A Place For My Head will be coming soon, my two year old closed out of it before I had it saved and well now I have to start over. I promise it'll be here within the next few days. Sorry for the delay. I hope you continue enjoying both stories!**

"Are you ever going to let him go?" Luke questioned Tara when they arrived back home.

"I have let him go, where's this coming from?" Tara asked, carrying the plates full of left overs Gemma insisted she bring home.

"Really because the way you stared at him all night kind of makes me think otherwise." He stared hard at her.

"Babe, I'm over him. Promise, He just caught me..." Luke walked away not giving her the chance to finish. Tara sighed deeply. Maybe coming back here was a mistake. Of course it was, to late now, she starts at St Thomas in the morning.

Luke had managed to avoid her for the rest of the evening, blowing her off every time she tried to talk to him.

Tara gave up and decided to just go to bed. Images of Jax flooded her mind.

 _"You know I'm gonna love you forever. You're my girl, my old lady, you're my reason for living. I love you more than I have ever loved anything."_ The words Jax had said after Happy finished the crow tat.

She had to wipe a tear from her eyes, this wasn't how she imagined her life. Engaged to someone other than Jax, living in Charming seeing him almost daily and not being with him, but she chose this. She chose to come back here. She chose to marry Luke. She had to figure it out or she was going to lose the one guy who had always been there, through all of the pain Jax caused her, giving her time to deal with her issues, picking her up when she fell. She may not ever love like she did Jax but Luke was amazing, she was truly lucky to have him. She wouldn't hurt him, she couldn't.

"I'm sorry, I just love you so much and I know you still love him." Luke's voice pulled her from her thoughts. He was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I love you." Tara replied, unwilling to admit that Jax was the one she would always be in love with.

"I know that too. We wil figure it out. I just got jealous, he'll always own a piece of your heart. I snapped with him and I shouldn't have. It put you in the middle of unnecessary drama and I'm sorry for that. I want you to know I'll fight for you Tara, always." He was so sincere and Tara knew it was true, if it came down to it he would fight until he had nothing left. She couldn't let it come to that though, she would marry Luke and move on with her life.

"You don't have to fight for me, I'm already yours." Tara wrapped her arms around him.

"Yeah, I hope that's true. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around how if you're a hundred percent mine, why do you still wear the crow that shows your his? I know I said I wouldn't let it get to me, but when he bragged about it I couldn't help myself from lying that you had it removed. I remember you telling Donna you had removed it so she wouldn't tell Jax where you were and it came out before I could stop it. I'm sorry for that. I just think if you were really over him, you would really have it removed and not just say you did. I think I'm losing you Tara, a part of me thinks I never really had you." He dropped his head, and untangled her arms from his neck.

"I'm yours. I wear that crow to remind me all of that shit is behind me. I will have it removed. I promise. I should have done it already." She rubbed his back.

"Okay. Here's the thing. I've got to go back to New York for a few weeks to help with the transistion of moving here at the office. When I get back I really want that gone, otherwise I think we need to postpone the wedding until you are able to remove it. I will fight for you Tara, but I won't be the fool married to a woman who is branded by another man. I love you. Let's get some rest, my flight leaves at 5:00 a.m. " He kissed her and laid down, turning his back to her.

She knew he was still upset so she didn't push things. Tiredness overtook her and she fell into a restless sleep.

Jax couldn't get Tara out of his mind. He never expected to see her again and when he did he knew it was his second chance then she says she's engaged. This fucker didn't stand a chance. He could still see the love Tara had for him, he could see the way her body reacted to him being close. She would always belong to him, he just had to remind her.

He knew Tara was stubborn, she would fight the inevitable for as long as she could. She would make him pay for the shit he did to her. He prayed for the first time in a very long time that she would forgive him and come back to him. He knew she was the only woman he would ever love, the only woman he would ever want to be with.

He was shocked when Tara mentioned him marrying Wendy. Donna must have let her in on that little mistake. His best friends wife did have a big mouth, except when it came to telling him where Tara was. When it came to that she might as well have been mute. Fucking Donna, if she had just told him where his girl was ten years ago this would have never happened. He would have went to her and made her forgive him then this Luke fucker wouldn't have been in the picture now. Not that he was worried, he loved a challenge, but he hated the idea of someone else holding Tara, kissing her, inside of her. The thought made him sick. He had been with countless girls over the past ten years but he only saw Tara. She was it for him. If he didn't manage to win her back, he didn't have a reason to live. He couldn't live with the idea of her being with someone else. He could just end Luke, or have someone else do it, but that would hurt Tara and he had hurt Tara enough. The last thing he ever wanted to do was cause her any more pain.

"Hey honey, how about a ride?" A blonde crow-eater asked, running her finger down his jeans rubbing his dick.

"Not tonight, sweetheart." He removed her hand from his jeans. What the hell was wrong with him, Tara was engaged and he's turning down pussy for her?

"Is this about Tara? We all saw she's back in town, and we heard she's getting married...she's probably got hard dick in her right now...are you sure you don't want a little taste baby?" The blonde asked again, batting her eyes at him.

The image of Tara and Luke flooded his mind, making him sick to his stomach.

He grabbed the blondes hand and pulled her into his room.

"Blow me and get the hell out." He ordered, shoving her mouth down on him.

"What do I get?" She protested pouting her lip out at him.

"You get my cock in your mouth. If you don't like that idea, feel free to leave there's a hundred other girls in there that will jump at the idea." He growled.

She did as she was told and took him into her mouth.

"How was that baby? You sure you don't want some pussy, I'd really like to feel you deep inside me, please?" She begged him, leaning into kiss him.

He backed away. "You can leave now, shut the door on the way out."

She rolled her eyes but just stood there.

"NOW." He shouted, slinging the door open.

She rushed out and he slammed the door shut, locking it. He laid on his bed looking at picture of Tara sitting on his bike.

He fell asleep with her picture laying on his chest.

Tara took Luke to the airport the next morning.

"I'll see you in two weeks, I love you. Think about what I said." He kissed her passionately and went through airport security, waving at her from the gate.

"Love you."

She went to the hospital to start her first day. She would be there until after ten tonight so the chances of seeing Jax were slim which was good. If she could avoid him, it would be a hell of a lot easier.

Her day was going great, she really liked her new coworkers. Luke texted her when he landed.

She ran into Gemma in the cafeteria at lunch.

"Hey sweetheart." Gemma greeted.

"Hey what are you doing here? Is everything okay?" Tara questioned.

"Everything is fine, I just wanted to see if you and Luke wanted to join me for dinner? Just the three of us? I'd really like to get to know him."

"Oh well that would be great but.. he's not here. He's in New York for two weeks finishing up some work stuff." Tara answered.

"Oh well, would you like to come then? No sense in you eating alone."

"I don't get off til ten tonight but tomorrow I'm off at six, if you wanna do it then." Tara smiled, she had missed Gemma so much.

"Tomorrow it is. I'll call you with the details." Gemma kissed her cheek and Jax walked around the corner.

"Hey ma, what are you doing here?" Jax asked and Gemma raised her eyebrows.

"I was inviting Tara and Luke for dinner but he's out of town so it's just going to be me and Tara." She replied, watching her sons face brighten up when she mentioned Tara's new fiance being away.

"Am I invited?" Jax looked at Tara, flashing his grin.

"Just a girls dinner." Gemma responded, hiding the smile when Tara blushed at Jax. "I've got to get going, see you kids later."

"What are you doing here?" Tara finally found her voice.

"I heard today was your first day, thought I'd see how it was going, thought I'd take you to lunch" He answered easily.

"How did you know I was on lunch?" She was biting her lip.

"Well I didn't. I've been here a little while, just kind of hanging out, hoping you'd come down sooner than later." He looked nervous. He had just admitted to stalking her but he really didn't care.

"Jax, I don't think having lunch is a good idea." She protested.

"Why? We were friends before we were anything else. I can't live in this town being this close to you and not at least be your friend. I promise no funny stuff." He was biting his lip now and ran his hands through his hair.

"Okay. Friends, we can try that." She said, uncertain.

"Awesome, how long do you get for lunch?" He asked.

"An hour."

"So do you want to go across the street and get a decent burger?" He asked, hoping she'd say yes. Hospital food was horrible, but he would endure it for her. He would endure anything for her.

"Sure." She walked outside and he followed her across the street.

"A bacon cheeseburger and fries with a water please." She ordered.

"I'll have the same with Coke." Jax said, pulling out cash.

"I can get mine." She protested, pulling out her money.

"Don't be silly darlin. Friends can buy friends cheeseburgers." He laughed paying their bill.

They sat and ate their burgers.

"It's really good to see you. I looked for you but you had disappeared." He stated.

"It's good to see you too. Yeah, I needed the privacy so I took myself off the map." She replied, taking another bite, staring down at her food.

"Yeah I get that, I fucked up pretty bad."He was still kicking his ass for how he treated her.

"It's okay, we were young and dumb. I forgave you a long time ago." She had forgiven him but she would never forget what he did.

"Thanks for that."

"So what happened with Wendy? I heard you guys were married." Tara asked, trying to sound uninterested.

"Ha, yeah that lasted like two minutes. I was drowning in misery, drowning in booze, it was a sad time out. I was lonely. It never meant anything, there was never anyone who could take your place. She knew that. She knew I would always love you and only you." He answered honestly.

"Oh. She wasn't good enough for you anyways." Tara blurted out before she could stop it just like she couldn't stop the redness from filling her face.

"You're the only one who you then enough to let you go, and I've missed and loved you every day since. I love you now enough to let you be happy with that as...with Luke, if that's what you want." He gave her a small smile and got up to leave. "Just know that even though I will be your friend no matter what I'll always want more, you'll always be my old lady even if you did erase the crow." She could hear the quiver in his voice and knew at that moment how hard this conversation was for him too.

He left without another word, without giving her a chance to say another word. He would fight for her, he would never stop fighting for her but his words were true, he would always love her and if in the end she didn't choose him he would eventually have to accept that. He would fight like hell before it got to that point, with this guy being gone for however long he's gone will give him the perfect opportunity to try.

He was determined to do whatever it took to win her back, even if it did make him look like a pussy whipped bitch. He didn't care, time was of the essence. He had to make her realize she missed him and wanted more than friends, but he had to do it while being her friend. He knew Tara and if he tried to push her into something she wasn't ready for she would run and he would be without her again. He could not live without her now that she's reappeared in his life.

He went to the flower shop across town and picked out a single yellow rose, wrote out a card and had them deliver it to Tara at the hospital. He really hoped it didn't freak her out, but wanted her to know she was always on his mind.

"Tara Knowles?" The delivery guy asked.

"That's me." Tara stated, looking up from her clipboard.

He handed her the single rose and card. "Sign here please." He pointed to the line. "Have a nice day." He said, walking away.

"That's a pretty rose." One of the nurses mentioned, smiling broadly.

"Yeah it is." Tara smiled. She opened the card, not surprised it was from Jax. She knew it was from him as soon as she saw the flower. Luke always got red roses, he never knew the yellow was her favorite.

" _Thank you for giving me the chance to be your friend. I love you Tara, I always have and I always will. Yours forever, -Jax."_

"Wow, someone takes care of you. I wish my boyfriend sent me flowers at work?" Jo, one of the other residents stated.

"Oh, this is just from a friend, welcoming me back home." Tara muttered.

"MMhmm..would that be the same friend you had lunch with today?" Jo winked at her.

"He's just a friend." Tara blushed.

Just a friend, she repeated in her head. That's all he can be, just a friend. One nice thing doesn't erase the past. He's always been a smooth talker. He probably didn't mean any of it. Somewhere deep down Tara knew that wasn't true, she just wasn't willing to admit it.


	5. Chapter 5

Jax was waiting outside the hospital for Tara to get off. Gemma had mentioned she was getting off at ten. She told him to be careful, if he pushed to hard Tara would shut down completely, he had to play it smart if he wanted to ever have a chance again.

"Hey Doc." He stood leaning up against the brick wall, one foot against the wall, cigarette in his hand.

"Holy shit. You scared me." Tara jumped when his voice came from the darkness.

"Sorry." He laughed.

"Twice in one day, be careful Teller you might be branded a stalker." Tara giggled, still holding her chest.

"I think I can live with that. I see you got the rose." He pushed off the wall and stood in front of her.

"It's beautiful thank you." She replied.

"Glad ya like it. Have you ate yet? Maybe we could get some dinner?" He asked nervously.

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea," She paused, it didn't sound as confident as she wanted it to. "I'm engaged Jax. This can't happen. You can't swoop in here and expect me to fall in love with you all over again based on history, you can't send flowers to my job, you...we just can't." Sadness filled her voice.

"I only sent it as a friendly gesture. I'm sorry if I offended you. I didn't want you to have to eat alone. I'm only here as a friend, Tara."

She rolled her eyes unintentionally. "Jax, I don't think it's possible for you and I to be just friends. There's to much history. I would really like for us to but I just don't see it, I'm sorry. I have to go. Thank you for the rose." Tara rushed to her car, leaving Jax speechless.

He wanted nothing more to run after her take her in his arms and make her forget all of this shit ever happened but he couldn't do that. All he could do was try again tomorrow.

Tara sat at home reading the card over and over. She pulled out a scrap book she made in their teenage years looking at the pictures that documented the good times, some bad times, the moments she tried desperately to forget but could never manage it.

She tried to call Luke a few times to get her mind off of him but was only getting voicemail. He must be asleep, it is after one in New York.

She laid in her old bed hugging the pillow close to her, staring out the window Jax used to climb through to spend their nights wrapped in each others arms.

How had she let these feelings come back so strong? She had been dealing and handling her shit fairly well over the years, now she's that same love sick teenager she was way back when. This wasn't her. She's a mature adult now, she had worked hard to get past this heartache and now it's back ten fold.

Sleep overtook her, she was still holding the pillow tightly unaware that Jax had been standing outside her window, watching, wishing more than anything he could go in and comfort her.

She woke up to her alarm blaring. She was drained, she had to be at work in two hours and she felt like shit.

She had just got out of the shower when the door bell rang. She put her hair up in a towel and wrapped her robe securely around her.

Who the hell could be here at four in the morning?

"Jax? What's wrong?" She asked, panicked that something happened to someone, the only explanation for him being awake this early standing on her porch.

"Nothing's wrong. I brought you breakfast." He handed her the box of pancakes and cup of coffee. "Didn't think you would have enough time to eat before you had to leave so thought I'd drop this off." He gave her a small smile.

"Oh um, thank you. I appreciate that." She responded. She looked in the box, there was more than enough for her. "Have you ate? Would you like to join me?" She asked, it was the least she could do after he went through all of this trouble.

"Sure. Thanks." He stepped inside.

"Just let me go get dressed, I'll be out in a minute. Make yourself at home." She nodded, butterflies in her stomach.

She came back out to find he had set the table and lit a candle.

"A candle-lit breakfast?" She raised her eyebrows at him. "I don't think friends eat by candle light Jax." She giggled.

"Right, sorry. I can blow it out." He started to but she stopped him.

"Na, it's okay. My head kind of hurts anyways, the candle light might be easier on my eyes." She sat across from him.

"So what's your day like?" He asked after a few moments of silence.

"Not sure yet. I'll find out when I get there. You?" She took another bite of pancake, she was hungrier than she thought.

"Just working at the shop. Not to much goin on today." He answered, never taking his eyes off of her. She was so beautiful, she still took his breath away.

"Well I'm sure you're glad to have some downtime." She smiled politely, unsure of what to say.

"Yeah, makes it easier to hang out with my new friend." He winked and cleared their plates.

"I guess it does," She looked at her watch. "I need to get going, can't be late. Thanks for this, it was nice."

"Anytime darlin." He blew out the candle and opened the house door for them. "So you're having dinner with my mom tonight, I guess you won't need company then."

She tried not to laugh at the pout that was now on his lips.

"Yep." She smirked at him. "Well, I'll see you later, have a good day."

"Yeah, you have a good day too." He grabbed her wrist as she walked down the porch steps and pulled her in for a hug. "See you later."

She thought she felt his lips on her hair but it was to quick to be sure. Her heart skipped a beat.

Her work day started in a rush as soon as she got there. She was pulled in to assist in a surgery that was going to take most of the day. She was thrilled, it would keep her mind off of everything that was happening. She had to find a way to let Jax know these little random moments of him just showing up couldn't happen. It didn't look right with her being engaged and she didn't want him to get the wrong idea. If she was being honest with herself, she didn't want to get the wrong idea. She couldn't think straight when he was around.

By the time the surgery was over she had five missed calls from Luke. No voicemails, that's weird.

She had tried calling him back but it only went to voicemail. This phone tag thing was getting old. She just needed to hear his voice to bring her back to her new reality instead of this fairytale she had going in her mind with Jax.

She got home and started changing clothes for her dinner with Gemma when he finally called her back.

"Hey babe. How's things going there? Sorry I missed your calls, I was assisting in a surgery that took eight hours." She said, happy to finally be talking to him.

"Things are okay here. It's okay, glad they're letting you assist." His tone was clipped, she could tell something was bothering him.

"What's wrong?" She asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Like you don't know." He growled in her ear.

"I don't know, why don't you tell me." She said, annoyance clear in her tone.

"I'm gone two days and you're spending all of your free time with Teller. You tell me you're over him but you have lunch with him yesterday and he's at our house early this morning. Did you sleep with him, Tara?" He shouted in her ear.

"What? No!" She shouted back. "How the hell do you even know I had lunch with him or that he brought breakfast here this morning because he didn't think I'd have enough time to eat? You're all the way in New York and I haven't had time to tell you so how do you know?" She was shaking.

"Billy told me." He admitted.

"You had Billy spying on me?" She asked in disbelief.

"For good reason apparently." He hissed.

"Nothing happened. Jax and I are just friends. That's it. I'm not spying on you there, how dare you!" She snapped. She knew she really had no right to be mad, but she couldn't help it she was pissed. He was pretty much saying that he didn't trust her and she had never given him a reason not to.

"Right. Friends don't spend the night or show up before dawn to bring another friend breakfast. I've got to go, I've got another meeting. Stay away from him Tara." He ordered before hanging up.

She was beyond pissed. She texted Gemma that she would have to do their dinner another night, something had come up. She really just wasn't up for company right now. She didn't want to take her anger out on Gemma without meaning to.

She paced back and forth, trying to call Luke repeatedly. He kept ignoring her calls, then a text that simply said "I'm working, we will talk about this later. " She tried one more time but it went straight to voicemail, he must have shut his phone off. It was almost ten there, she found it hard to believe he was in another meeting at ten p.m. Her frustration was getting the best of her.

She ordered a pizza, really unsure if she'd be able to eat. Her stomach was so upet but she had to try, she was starving. The last time she ate was with Jax this morning.

The knock on the door came she grabbed her wallet and opened the door only to find Jax there instead of the pizza guy.

"Ma said you cancelled, I was just checking on you." He explained before she could say anything.

"Yeah, I wasn't feeling well." She stepped aside so he could come in, planning to tell him this couldn't keep happening.

"You okay? I can make you some soup?" He said sweetly.

"No, I'm okay, I ordered a pizza." Right on cue the door bell rang.

She took the pizza and paid the delivery guy, "You hungry?" She asked Jax.

"Starving." He smiled, taking the pizza box from her hand, putting it on the table.

He told her about his day and asked about hers. He was genuwinely thrilled for her that she was able to assist in the surgery today.

"Well I guess I'll get going and let you rest since you're not feeling well." He stood up. "I hope you feel better soon darlin." He kissed her forehead.

She pulled his mouth down to hers, throwing him off guard. He picked her up and carried her to the bed. They discarded their clothes quickly.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw his crow still on her back. She hadn't covered it up or had it removed.

He smiled the biggest smile she had ever seen.

He kissed every inch of her, relishing in the way her body felt under his touch. He gazed deeply in her eyes, making sure this was what she wanted. She gave him a simple nod and he plunged deep inside of her. He never took his eyes off of hers.

Their bodies fit together perfectly. This was home. This is where he belonged. He wasn't sure what was going that caused this to happen and right now he didn't care. He had longed for her for ten years and now he had her.

It had all happened so quickly. One minute he was kissing her head, the next she was attacking his mouth with hers. It happened before she even fully realized what she had done.

She lay wrapped in his arms when reality flooded back in her mind. Luke. Shit. What has she done?

"You should go." She sat at the edge of the bed.

"What?" He asked confused.

"You should go." She sobbed.

He sat up and pulled her into his lap. "Tara, you don't want me to go. I know you don't. You love me, that hasn't changed. I know you love me. Be with me, please. I'll never hurt you again. I'll do anything babe, please just don't leave me again. I can't take it if you leave me, especially now. I can't live without you babe. Please, don't push me out. You want this as much as me or that wouldn't have happened. Be honest with yourself, be honest with me, tell me you still love me." He begged, hugging her tighter.

"I can't. I can't. I can't be with you. I'm engaged to someone else. I just cheated on my fiance. I'm not that girl, God what have I done?"

"You chose to be with me, people break up all of the time babe. End the engagement, be with me. Me and you are meant to be together babe. If we weren't, you would have really had the crow removed, but you didn't. It's still there, telling the world that you belong to me. Please babe." He was still begging as she shook her head.

"I can't. If you really love me, just go. Please. I need time to think. Please. Give me time to think." She kissed his head and climbed off of his lap.

"Okay, I'll go, do me one favor though. Be honest, tell me that you still love me. Give me a little bit of hope, Tara." He asked one more time.

"I will always love you, Jax. I always have and I always will. I just don't think that's enough. Please go now, don't come back." She locked herself in the bathroom. How could she be so stupid? She did exactly what Luke accused her of, maybe that's why she did it because he had already accused her of it.

She heard the front door close and came out of the bathroom. Jax could see Jax still in her room putting his shoes on. Who the hell just came in her house.

"Wow, I thought I would come home and surprise you and tell you how sorry I was for being an ass but here you are half naked with him. How could I be so stupid? I knew the moment when you said you wanted to take the offer here that it was more to do with him than the job. I guess once a biker slut always a biker slut." Luke shouted.

Jax didn't say a word, he hit him, knocking him on his ass. "Don't ever talk to her like that." He growled.

Luke jumped up from the floor, lunging at Jax knocking Tara backwards in the process. She scrambled to get in between the two of them.

"Stop it." She shouted. "I was angry at you for having me followed, I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen."

"Fine. You're sorry then I'll make it real easy for you. Come back to New York with me, we can talk to Dr. Simpson, restart your residency there or we can go anywhere else, just not here choose that one and we will forget this whole thing ever happened...or stay here and I'll go back to New York by myself, we'll be done. If you choose door number two don't come running back when he breaks your heart again. Choose which life you want. Me or him. Choose now." He hissed.

"Stay with me babe, I can't live without you again. Please I'll do anything you want, just stay with me." Jax repeated his words from earlier.

Tara looked back and forth between the two.


	6. Chapter 6

Tara took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. You will never know how sorry I am. I never meant for this to happen. We were friends, only supposed to be friends." She paused, wiping the stray tear away. "We can't be together. I can't forget the past, it haunts me daily. You will move on. You will be fine, and I'll always be your friend after we learn to only live as friends." She had her hand on Jax's chest.

"Tara, I can't live without you, especially after this. The moment you kissed me something awoke within me and I can't just let that go. Please baby don't do this, don't leave me now." Jax begged, he didn't care that he sounded like a pussy in front of this bastard who was smirking at him. He had to make sure she understood how much he loved her. If it wasn't for upsetting her he would knock the smugness off that fuckers face.

"She chose me bro now get the hell out of my house." Luke hissed.

Jax lunged forward at him but Tara stepped in between them again. "Jax please. Don't make this any harder than it has to be. Please if you love me like you say you do then just go. I'm begging you." Her voice soft.

Jax nodded and turned to leave.

She turned her glare on Luke and raised her voice.

"You will not bully me into leaving my home. If you want to be with me then we will stay here, not because of Jax but because it's my home, it's always been my home. If you can't live with that then you can't live with me. That's your choice. No one can choose but you, but if you do decide to stay you better think twice before giving me another damn ultimatum."

She heard the engine of Jax's motorcycle speeding away. She prayed he would drive careful.

"I guess you made your choice. If you stay here it's inevitable you'll end up back with him and I'll look like the fool who stuck by the girl who was going to always choose someone else." Luke rubbed his face so hard Tara thought he was going to rub his skin off.

"I'm not leaving my home. That has nothing to do with Jax. You do what you need to do. I'm going to bed." She was tired and her heart was broken. She wished she could just forgive Jax for the past but she couldn't let it go. No matter how much she wanted to.

"I need time to think. I need to know that you're serious about this. I need to know that you can live in Charming without being with Jax. If you can do that then we can move forward, I'll be in New York. I'll call you later. I do love you Tara and I really hope we can get past this but I'm just not sure I believe that you can live here and not be with him. I really hope I'm wrong, I want to marry you but I refuse to come in second to a memory any longer. I'll call you when I land. Love you."

Tara didn't say a word. She watched him walk away, realizing that she wasn't upset by him leaving. She really just wanted to be alone, she knew she needed this more than anything. Time to think things through. She needed to work this out for herself without a guy pulling the strings for her. She would work, sleep, and avoid Jackson Teller at all cost, at least for now.

She kept herself busy at the hospital from dawn til late in to the night, she didn't allow herself time to think about missing Jax. She was actually surprised that he wasn't hanging around, since she was sure word was out that Luke had left. She hadn't seen him since she asked him to leave a week ago. She hadn't heard from anyone associated with him either, which was weird. She figured Gemma would be giving her shit for sleeping with him then bailing on him, breaking his heart. He must not have said anything. She was 99% certain Gemma wouldn't let that slide, no matter how much she loved her.

Donna and Opie were finally on their honeymoon so that's why she hadn't heard from Donna but she was actually wishing they would come back sooner than expected so she could have someone other than Gemma to talk to about the whole situation. Donna would understand. Sadly they weren't due back for another week. So Tara was resigned to keeping herself busy with work even if she was majorly exhausted.

Another week down, Luke had postponed coming back again. He said he trusted her but he had some more things he needed to finish before leaving New York for good. She was actually glad for that, surprised that she was missing Jax more than him. How had things become so upside down. The hospital finally made her take a few days off. She had been working two weeks straight without a break.

Tara unlocked the door to her house when a car pulled into her driveway, slamming on the brakes.

"Tara come with me, now." Donna screamed. Tara didn't even know they were back yet, but something was seriously wrong.

Tara ran down to Donna's car. "What's wrong? Is Op okay? Donna what's wrong?" Tara asked again, panic filling her voice.

"It's Jax. Get in." Tara thought her heart stopped. Jax? Something is wrong with Jax? She jumped into Donna's car.

"What's going on? What happened? Is he okay?" Tara was throwing out questions before Donna had a chance to explain. "Tell me what's going on!" Tara shouted.

"He wrecked his bike, he's pretty bad off Tara. They said slid into the concrete barrier out on the highway, a semi barely missed him. The driver said it was like he was aiming for running right into him." Donna hadn't moved the car yet.

Tara was hysterical by this point. "Take me to him. Why are you just sitting here. Move the fucking car!" Tara screamed.

"Tara, calm down listen to me. You need to see this. Opie found it on his bed, no one else has saw it but us." Donna handed her a note addressed to Tara.

 _Baby,_

 _I just need you to know how much I loved you. I've always loved you, from the first time we were paired up in English and you called me out on my bullshit. You will always have my heart. I want you to be happy. I don't want you to blame yourself, I just couldn't live this life without you. You were always my reason to wake up in the morning, when you were gone I held out hope I would see you again and we would be together. When you came back I thought that time had come but I was wrong. I fucked up back in the day and I don't blame you for not forgiving me, I just can't do this without you. By the time you get this I'll be gone. Always remember that I loved you more than life itself, live your life to the fullest and know that I'm watching from where ever I am in the next life and I'm proud of you. I love you baby!_

 _Always yours,_

 _Jax_

Tara couldn't breathe, he did this because of her. He told her he couldn't live without her and she didn't listen. This was all her fault, he may not live and she would be stuck in this world without him. She felt like dying herself.

She shoved the note in her pocket and she ran into the hospital. She found the guys standing there with their heads hanging low. No one saying a word.

Opie took her to the room Jax was in. She found Gemma and JT there crying looking over him.

She saw him, wires and tubes everywhere. She eased into the room and Gemma pulled her into a hug.

"I think we may lose him baby." Gemma sobbed on Tara's shoulder.

"No, No, No, I can't lose him. I need him to live." Tara shook her head back and forth rapidly.

"Talk to him, Tara. The nurses seem to think he can hear us, even though he's not awake." JT patted her shoulder, wiping the tear from his own eyes.

Tara sat on the side of his bed, careful to not tug any of his wires. She took his hand in hers and kissed each knuckle.

"Come back to me baby. I need you. I can't live without you either, so don't you die on me you hear me!" Her voice cracking.

"Open those beautiful eyes. Please, come back to me." She squeezed his hand.

It had been six days and Jax was still unconcious. The doctors said his vitals had improved but they wouldn't know if there was any brain damage until he woke up, if he woke up.

Tara hadn't left his side, even after a heated discussion with the chief of surgery informing her that she still had a job to do. She threatened to quit but she was not going to leave his side. The program decided to give her some time off.

Luke knocked on the hospital room door. "Can I come in?" He asked. He had been standing there awhile watching her hold Jax's hand, sleeping with her head on his bed.

"Oh um, sure." Tara said, rubbing her hair down, wiping her mouth.

"How's he doing?" He asked, eyes on Jax.

"His vitals are good but he's not waking up." She sighed.

"How are you?" He asked, stepping forward, rubbing her back.

She stepped away from him, shrugging. "He's in here because of me, because I couldn't own up to the fact that I still loved him. I couldn't let the past go so this is my fault." She sobbed.

"It's not your fault Tara, you didn't make him do this. It was an accident." He tried to comfort her but she backed away again.

"Thanks for coming." She turned her back on him. "You should go though."

"We need to talk Tara, about where we are going to go from here." He persisted.

"NOW is not the time or the place. As far as I'm concerned right now, we have nothing to talk about." She growled, letting her frustration and exhaustion get the best of her.

"I'll be staying at hotel in Lodi, call me when you're ready to talk." He left without another word.

"Please baby wake up. I need you to open your eyes. I love you, please wake up." She whispered, gripping his hand.

She felt him tighten his fingers around hers. She searched his eyes for any movement but there was none. She pressed the nurse call button and told them what had happen. They sent the head of neuro into his room.

"He squeezed my hand." Tara explained.

The doctor shined the light in Jax's eyes, and did some other quick test.

"It may have just been an involuntary spasm." He explained.

"No, it wasn't. He squeezed my hand." She protested, she knew what she felt and that was not involuntary!

"Dr. Knowles.."

"Watch." Tara interrupted. "Jax, can you hear me. If you can hear me baby squeeze my hand again. I love you baby, I know you can do this. Squeeze my hand." Tara pleaded, hoping he was able to respond.

Just as the Doctor started to write it off as involuntary, he squeezed again.

"I'll be damned." Dr. Montgomery said.

"Open your eyes baby, look at me." Tara kissed his forehead.

Gemma and JT had arrived then.

"What's going on?" Gemma asked.

"It seems your son is responding to Dr. Knowles' commands, but only hers." Dr. Montgomery stated, he had never seen anything like this before.

"He's waking up?" Gemma asked.

"We're not sure yet." Tara said. "Open your eyes baby, please. Let me see those beautiful eyes."

Jax did as he was asked, he opened his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey you." Tara greeted, wiping the tears from her eyes. She bent down and kissed his forehead.

"Am I dreaming?"Jax asked, not taking his eyes off of Tara's face. "Are you really here right now, did I die? Is this Heaven?" He asked.

"I'm really here and you are most certainly not dead. If you ever scare me like that again, I may kill you myself." She sat on the edge of his bed, rubbing his face, staring deeply in his eyes.

"If she don't, I will." Gemma hissed at him, leaning down kissing his cheek. "You scared the shit out of all of us Jackson."

"Sorry ma." He replied, glancing briefly as his mother before turning his eyes back to Tara. He couldn't believe she was here. He never thought he'd see her again.

JT stood at the door watching the doctors check his son over and watching the two most important ladies in his son's life hold each other, smiling brightly that Jax had finally woke up. Tara was always good for Jax, he's thrilled she's finally made her way back into his life. She's the best thing for him, she always has been.

The Doctors informed everyone that Jax would have a long road to go but he should make a full recovery.

JT exited to let everyone else know the good news. Gemma left shortly after deciding to give Jax and Tara some alone time.

"I can't believe you're here." Jax admitted weakly.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else." She held his hand, kissing each of his knuckles.

"What about your fiance?" He whispered.

"Shh. All you need to worry about is getting better. I'm going to be here with you through every step of your recovery and after that we'll figure it out. I love you. Now rest baby, I'll be here when you wake up." She ordered, giving him her no nonsense expression that he found adorable.

"I just want to look at you a little while longer. After that I promise I'll rest. I never thought I'd see your beautiful face again. I thought I was doomed to live the rest of my life without you, I just couldn't do that Tara. I couldn't live knowing that I fucked up the only thing in my life that ever had meaning. I couldn't live knowing someone else held you every night. I couldn't live without you...I don't know if you're only planning to stay while I'm recovering..."

"Shh. I'm here Jax, I'll always be here. It'll take time but we will figure everything out. We will get through this." She reassured him.

It would take time. It wouldn't be an easy journey. There was a lot of shit they had to be able to work through. She was willing to try. She loved him and owed him that much. He tried to die for her, because of her, she knew no one else in the world would ever love her that much. It was perfect though since she would never love anyone else the way she loved Jackson Teller. He held her heart, all of the time and distance wasn't able to change that.

"Promise?" He whispered before sleep overtook him again.

"With all of my heart." She whispered back. She watched him sleep awhile longer before Gemma returned.

"How's he doing?" She asked, thrilled to see Tara still holding his hand.

"He just went back to sleep. He's afraid that I'm only here to get him through his recovery. He had no idea how much I love him, Gem. This is all my fault." She sobbed and Gemma held her so Tara could cry on her shoulder.

"This isn't your fault, Tara." Gemma soothed.

"Yes, actually it is. I didn't tell you this when it first happened because I was afraid we'd lose him and you would hate me forever. Luke and I had a fight, Jax showed up being the sweet man that he is and I couldn't stop myself, I kissed him. We made love. Luke walked in after it was over but Jax was still there. It came down to choosing Luke or Jax. I was confused, still upset about the past with Jax and told him we could never be together. He left and the next thing I heard was he was here, he wrote me a note telling me he couldn't live without me." Tara took a deep breath trying to silence her sobs.

"What I know is that both of you tried fighting this. You push each other away, knowing that you can't live without each other. What I know sweetheart is that fate will always have a way of bringing you two back together. Luke never stood a chance in this. Jax is your one and only just like you are his. You can fight it all you want, you can hold grudges about the past, but think about this baby. It's been ten years since Jax pushed you away trying to save you from this life. I'm not condoning what he did, when I found out believe me, he got an ear full. Anyways, it's been ten years and you decide to move back. You don't think fate had anything to do with that decision? Are you honestly going to tell me that Jax played no part in it? I believe Jax was the only factor that mattered. You could have worked anywhere, there are a thousand better hospitals than , but you chose the only place that had the love of your life, the owner of your heart. You can make him pay for the mistake he made, you can make him fight like hell to win forgiveness but don't let him believe he has no chance or maybe next time we won't be so lucky to be standing here watching him recover. Next time we may be standing at his grave, and you'll be wishing you could do this over. I know you love him baby, if you didn't you would have left with Luke instead of refusing to leave here even long enough to shower. You two will get through this if you don't let your pride get in the way again." Gemma hugged her tighter.

Tara stared at her. She knew Gemma was right. She knew even back then that Jax was the reason she chose St. Thomas, even if she lied to everyone including herself.

"You really do need to go take a shower, sweetheart." Gemma playfully held her nose. "He's going to be just fine. I'll stay here with him until you get back."

Tara sighed knowing Gemma was right, she had washed with the hospital soap but it smelled bad, so that didn't help much.

"Okay, I'll be back soon." She bent down to kiss Jax's lips and rub his face one more time before leaving the room.

"Tara?" Gemma called to her. "Don't rush. He'll be okay. Take your shower and try resting yourself. You're no good to anyone if you can't stay awake.

"I'll think about it." Tara half smiled.

Gemma smirked. These crazy kids were destined to be together. She only hoped that both of them would finally stop fighting it.

"Where's Tara?" Jax asked groggily, eyes darting around the room.

"She went home to take a shower and a nap." Gemma sat down on his bed so she could look in his eyes.

"She'll be back soon, she's not left since you got here. She's been by your bedside the whole time. She wouldn't leave to eat or even shower. I had to bring food up just to make sure she didn't starve." Gemma chuckled. "She didn't want to leave today but she was starting to smell so I was able to push her a little more now that you came back to us."

Jax smiled a weak smile. It warmed his heart to know that Tara wouldn't leave him, maybe they really would get through this. He loved her so much.

"Hey Tara." Luke greeted, startling her. He must still have her spare key.

"Hey." She said, folding her arms against her chest.

"How's Jax?" He questioned, his eyes cold.

"He woke up. The doctors say he'll make a full recovery." She smiled, she turned her back to him, packing a bag of clean clothes to take to the hospital with her.

"That's good." He rolled his eyes while her back was turned. "Can we talk about us now that you know he's going to make it."

She sighed, she knew this was why he was here but she still wasn't ready for this conversation. Right now all she wanted was to focus on helping Jax through his recovery. Luke deserved better than this though, even if he was being an ass right now.

"Okay." She agreed, moving the bag aside and taking a seat on the bed. "Talk." She gestured for him to start.

"I love you. That hasn't changed. I want us to be together. I need to be sure though that you and him are done. I understand your need to get him through this, you blame yourself. Does it end there or what?" He sat on the bed beside her, his expression softer.

Tara inhaled sharply. "You're right I do blame myself but that's not why I'm there. I'm there because I love him. I've always loved him and you have known that since the beginning. You told me that you knew I would always love him. You said you could learn to live with that fact." She tucked her hair behind her ear and bit her lip.

"I do know that you love him, but we both know a relationship with him isn't possible. You tried that remember, he pushed you away when things got hard and I was there for you when he wasn't. I love you, I can give you everything he can't." Luke was pleading with her. He knew the look in her eyes, she was leaving him and he had to fight with everything he had not to let that happen.

"You're a good guy Luke. You're right, you were always there for me when I thought I had no one else. If we are being honest though it wasn't Jax's fault, he tried to find me, I hid because I was mad. If I would have let him find me, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. I know this is true and so do you. The love Jax and I have for each other is irrevocable. I have to try again with him. I'm sorry you were caught up in all of this. I'm sorry you wasted so much time with me." She looked at him then looked away.

"You weren't a waste of time, but you are wasting your time if you think you and him will ever work. You are a surgeon for fucks sake. You're not outlaw, Tara. This life isn't made for you. You were always to good for being a biker's old lady. You were always to good for him. His lifestyle is going to kill you, Tara, please see that. Please don't give up the life you chose because he planned to end his miserable life and let you blame yourself. He doesn't care about you. He cares about himself and his club. That's all." He was pacing the room by now.

"Luke, thank you for all that you did for me. You're a great guy and you will find someone who can give you what you need. That's not me. I can't give you my heart, it's always belonged to Jax. It always will. If you'll excuse me, I need to get back to the hospital." Tara picked her bag up then paused. "I need my key back." She held out her hand.

Luke dug in his pocket but grabbed her hand instead of giving her the key. "I understand you need to do this now. I'm not leaving Charming. I will be here when you finally realize that he's a piece of shit loser who should have died in that crash."

Tara didn't think, she slapped him as hard as she could. "We're done here, get out." She growled.

"I understand you're angry, we'll talk later once you have had time to settle down. I love you Tara." He was still holding his hand over his face but walked out the door.

Tara slammed the door behind him. "Asshole." She growled to herself. She had planned to take a nap but now there was no way that was happening. She loaded her bag into her car and headed off to be reunited with her heart.


	8. Chapter 8

Tara arrived back at the hospital to find Jax still sleeping. He looked so peaceful, so happy. It was a beautiful sight. Her heart was fluttering just looking at him. She had forgotten how much she loved him. She always knew she did, even when she was in denial, she knew but she didn't remember how much until she saw him laying there after his wreck fighting for his life tubes and wires everywhere. Maybe that was the reminder she needed.

She needs to focus though. They will get through this but she won't just give in and let everything be forgotten. They will eventually work through the shit storm they both brought on but that could wait. Right now all she wanted him to worry about was getting better, she needed him one hundred percent because as mad as she was about how things ended she couldn't live this life without him. She needed him whole and at this point that was all that mattered.

She stood against the door frame of his hospital room just watching him sleep.

"Oh hey you're back. Did you get any rest?" Gemma asked, looking at the clock on the wall, noticing not enough time had went by for Tara to actually sleep.

"No, I couldn't get my brain to shut off. I had to deal with Luke so I was pretty wired afterward." Tara rolled her eyes.

"How'd that go?" Gemma narrowed her eyes. She actually did like Luke but she knew how much he loved Tara too and didn't seem him just giving up on her. She hoped he wouldn't cause Tara any problems but Samcro may have to intervene if he does. No one will take her daughter from her again, she will make damn sure of that.

"Bout as well as expected." Tara shrugged, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

"Well if you need to talk you know we are always here for you baby." Gemma got up to let Tara sit by Jax. "I'm gonna go home and make some dinner, I'll send some food up here for you." She kissed Tara's cheek.

"Okay thanks Gem." Tara sat down and held Jax's hand in hers and rested her head on the side of his bed.

It didn't take her long to fall asleep. There was something about Jax Teller that could calm her even when he was sleeping soundly.

She felt him stir which caused her to wake.

"Hey sleepyhead." He greeted her with a big smile.

"Hey yourself. How are you feeling?" She asked, stretching. Her body was sore from the ackward sleeping position but she could live with sore muscles as long as she was here with Jax.

"Sore." He replied, a dark look in his eyes.

"Anything I can do? You want me to ask if you can have some more pain meds?" She asked, rubbing his arm, hating to see him in pain.

"Oh there's something you can do...pain meds won't help though." He smirked.

She raised her eyebrows at him, tiredness fogging her brain.

He laughed, he was going to have to spell it out for her. "You could climb up here, and release some of the pressure." He guided her hand down to his erection.

"You're a class act Teller. You've been conscious a few hours and your mind is already on sex." She kissed his lips.

"Baby with you here, looking like that, do you blame me?" He winked at her.

"Oh yeah, I'm bringing the sexy." She rolled her eyes at him, looking down at her t-shirt that was a size to big and jogging pants. She was in the mood for comfort rather than impressing anyone with her fashion sense today.

"You're always sexy, no matter what you're wearing." He replied, rubbing her hand up and down over his erection.

"Jax," She blushed. "I don't think this is the time or the place for this.

He took her hand and moved it up under his hospital gown, there was nothing in the way of feeling her warm hand on him. "Please." He whispered.

She stared at him for a moment before she began moving her hand up and down without his guidance. He moaned out in response. "Damn that feels good, I've missed you so much babe." He said between moans.

Just then the door opened and Tara jerked her hand out. Opie was laughing hysterically and Donna was covering her eyes.

"Wow." Donna laughed still covering her face.

"Hey, we're kinda busy here. How about you guys block the door a minute?" Jax pleaded with his best friend.

Opie was unable to speak from the laughter but nodded in response and him and Donna walked back out of the room, blocking the door from any more intrusions.

"So now that we have a guard how about you climb up here and ride me?" He pulled her hand off of her face, loving how cute she was face red and a mortified expression.

"I think you've had enough Teller." She finally spoke.

"You sure?" He asked, reaching over to slip his hand inside of her jogging pants. "I won't push you baby but you're soaking wet, are you sure you don't wanna climb up here and make us both feel better? Opie won't let anyone in, no one will see." He rubbed his fingers over her one more time.

"Screw it." She slid her pants down and climbed on top of him. "I don't want to hurt you, so.." She dropped her mouth down on his erection.

"Holy shit." This was a compromise he could definitely work with. "Shit, fuck, oh oh oh." He moaned out, he rubbed her hair while she assaulted him with her mouth.

"That was great." He finally replied when she raised up wiping her mouth. "You sure you don't want me to help you out there." He gestured between her thighs, winking.

"You are definitely gonna help me out Teller but not until the doctor clears you." She answered, removing his hand from inside her pants, she rinsed her mouth out and opened the door to let Opie and Donna in.

"Not a word Harry Winston." She growled, as she opened the door. The only time she ever called him Harry was when she was angry with him about something,

He laughed again but held his hands up in mock surrender.

"So, I'm guessing you're feeling better." Donna said, winking at Jax.

"Much." Jax laughed.

"How much longer in here?" Op asked, standing by his best friends bed.

"At least a week but then I've got a shit ton of physical therapy. They say it'll be a few months before I'm back to a hundred percent." Jax rolled his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to regret his decision. That decision had Tara sitting here with him right now instead of marrying that fucker Luke.

"That's good bro, take it easy. Do everything they tell you so you heal." Op ordered.

"Will do. Tara's already told me if I don't listen to them, she's gonna kick my ass. My little bad ass." He laughed.

"If you don't listen brother there will be a line of people that you'll have to answer to. Tara won't be the only one kicking your ass."

"I've got this." Jax replied.

"Hey Doc, there's a problem at TM they are wondering if you could come there and bring your medical bag." Opie asked after hanging up with whoever called.

"Yeah sure. Who's going to stay with Jax though?" Tara answered.

"I'll stay." Donna volunteered.

"What's going on Op?" Jax asked. He hated feeling out of the loop.

"Tig was shot. I'll keep you updated as I know more." Op responded, quickly kissing Donna goodbye.

Tara kissed Jax. "We'll have to swing by my dad's, my bag is there."

"No problem." Opie replied and hurried out of the room.

"Shit." Donna said staring at her phone.

"Did something happen with Tig? What's wrong Don?" Jax asked, worried about his brother.

"No, that was the babysitter. Ellie's running a fever."

"Go to her, I'll be fine. I don't need a babysitter." Jax smiled.

"I promised Tara I would stay." Donna was debating what to do. Ellie was only six months old, she was worried about her fever being up to 102.

"I'm good Donna, go on your baby needs her momma." Jax pushed. "I'll probably just crash in a few minutes anyways. I'm tired. Go ahead and go."

"Okay, I'll see if one of the boys can come up and sit with you." She replied, pulling her phone back out.

"Na, they need to be there for Tig. I'm good, on the mend. I'll be fine." He protested. Donna reluctanly agreed.

"Okay then. I'll see you later." She waved and left the room.

Jax closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

"I don't see what it is about you that has her so twisted." Luke growled, Jax's eyes shot open.

He was still groggy. "What do you want?"

"I just came by to have a little chat." Luke smirked. "I was just standing here trying to figure out what it is about you that her so damn twisted up that she can't let you go. I just don't see it." Luke was shaking his head, his expression cold.

"It's love, you don't have to understand." Jax sat straight up, a mirrored image of Luke's expression on his face.

"Love." Luke bellowed. "You don't love her. You use her. You're going to take everything good from her. I'm not going to stand by and let that happen. She will stick by you through this recovery. You planned that. You knew that if you tried to kill yourself she would blame herself and come running back. You timed it perfectly. I give you props man that idea was genius. Once you're out of here and back on your feet she will see what a worthless loser you really are. I'll make damn sure of that. She will be with me, I truly love her. We will be together. You will let her go." He stood up and grabbed a hold of Jax's gown, Jax tried fighting back. The pain shot through his whole body. "This is your only warning." Luke growled.

Jax jerked the wires out and stood up toe to toe with Luke. He ignored the shooting pains.

"You've said your piece now it's my turn..." Jax growled back.


	9. Chapter 9

Jax had pain in every part of his body but he wasn't going to back down from this asshole.

"What I think is funny about this whole thing is the fact that you come here knowing the position I'm in, knowing I was strapped down by all of those wires." Jax growled, stepping forward toward Luke. "You severely underestimated me." He smirked at the worried expression on Luke's face.

"I don't care if you were strapped down by the wires or not. I didn't come here for that, I came to let you know how things were going to work." Luke took a step back.

"Now let me tell you how things are going to work." Jax stepped forward again. "You will stay away from Tara. She's not yours. She's never been yours. You were a sad time out, you were who she used because she was lonely. You never had her, deep down you know that. If you didn't know that, you wouldn't have been bragging about her removing my crow for you. Clearly that was a lie since the crow is still there which means she never loved you. Her heart always belonged too me just like she always had my heart with her. You can't stop that. You can't change it. There's nothing you can do about it. You need to pack your shit and go back to New York, there's nothing for you here. If you come around my old lady again, you will regret it. I promise you that. She's mine, she chose me, just like you always knew she would. If you stay get used to seeing her truly happy with me, where she's always belonged." Jax stared at him, daring him to deny the truth Jax just laid out. The pain coursing through his body becoming unbearable.

"We'll see. I'm not leaving. I won't give up on her as easily as you did." Luke hissed.

"We'll see." Jax laughed, throwing Luke's words back at him. "Don't get it twisted, I never gave up on her."

"Oh yeah? Then why did you get married?" Luke smirked.

"The same reason Tara lived with you for the past ten years. Loneliness." Jax paused, watching Luke's smug expression change. "Did you really think it was anything more than that? Surely you weren't that stupid." Jax laughed again.

Luke threw a punch in Jax's direction, Jax dodged it causing his side to ache like it had just been ripped open. He grabbed his side, sitting on the edge of his bed.

"What the hell is going on?" Tara's voice called out behind them.

Opie grabbed Luke in his iron grip.

"Nothing, we're good." Jax said.

"Yeah, then why are you not in bed? Why are all of your wires unplugged?" Tara's eyes narrowed. "Why the hell hasn't a nurse came to see why your machines are going crazy with them being unplugged?" She was angry. Luke was one thing, the nurses were supposed to take care of their patients and where the hell is Donna?

"We were just having a chat. Let go of me asshole." Luke was fighting Opie's hold on him.

"You don't need to chat with him, leave Charming. There's nothing else for you to say or do. You're done. We're done. GO!" Tara growled at him.

"You don't mean that. You love me Tara, you just let this biker bitch get you all twisted up again. Once things get better with him you will see that you want to be with me. Stop fighting it, baby please. You know you love me." Luke pleaded with her.

"I've been nice. Maybe I've been to nice. Let me break this down for you. I don't love you. I cared for you, but I've never been in love with you. The love I had for you was more like a friends with benefits love. That's all you were. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have used you like that. I thought I could forget him, I thought I could replace him with you. I couldn't. Even years ago, I was never able to forget him. I never stopped loving him. I choose him, I will always choose him. Please just leave, don't make this harder on yourself." Tara pushed the nurse call button.

"Can I help you?" A nurse answered.

"Can you send your head nurse in here please." Tara growled.

"Leave Luke or I'll Opie throw you out." Tara growled again.

Op took Luke to the door and shoved him out.

"Where's Donna?" Tara asked, frustrated Donna promised she'd stay here.

"The babysitter called, Ellie was running a high fever. I told her to go." Jax explained, laying his head back on the pillow.

"Can I help you?" The nurse came into the room.

"Yes, I'd like to know what you all are here for?" Tara growled.

"What do you mean Ms Knowles?" She asked confused.

"Well I was just wondering why my boyfriend's alarms have been blaring for at least thirty minutes and no one has came to check on him to make sure he's okay. So I ask again, what the hell are you all here for?" Tara folded her arms over her chest.

"I just got here, so I'm not sure what's going on but I promise you I will find out." She hooked Jax back up to all of his monitors. "I'm very sorry Mr. Teller this is unacceptable, but may I ask why you were unplugged to begin with?" She asked.

"I needed to piss." Jax lied.

"You should have called a nurse to help you Mr. Teller. You're not supposed to be getting up unattended."

"Yeah, because you all are just known for doing your job. The alarms sound in the nurses station and someone just ignored or silenced them. So instead of standing here barking at him why don't you go do your job and find out who the hell silenced the alarms and why. He could have been dying in here and no one would have came to help him. Now figure out who before I take this over your head and find out myself." Tara ordered, leaving the nurse stunned. "Now." Tara growled again.

"Wow, look at my baby. All badass and shit." Jax winked.

"Shut it Teller." She glared at him but only momentarily until she couldn't fight the smile anymore.

Opie had been on the phone with Donna checking on Ellie.

"Wow Tara you sounded like Gemma." Op laughed when hanging up the phone. "Donna says she's so sorry. She should have made sure someone was here with him."

"It's not her fault, she was going to but I told her I was just gonna sleep." Jax said, taking the blame for Donna.

"You are not to be alone until you are one hundred percent again, do you understand?" Tara glared at him. "You are a prime target for all kinds of crazy, because of me or Samcro related so you always need someone with you. Even if it's just a prospect outside the door. I do not want you alone." Tara exclaimed, covering Jax back up after she looked at his side for any injury since Jax kept holding it.

"Sounding like an old lady already." Jax smirked.

"You better listen to your old lady or she's going to kick your ass." Tara chuckled.

"I could lose my job because of you. What do I get out of it?" Claire asked as soon as Luke picked up the phone.

"You get me." Luke replied, rolling his eyes. Stupid bitch gets nothing but to help me out, when I'm done with her what do I care if she loses her job.

"He could have died, I would be fired or prosecuted if they find out I turned off those alarms. What's your deal with him anyways?" She pushed.

"He unplugged his wires, not me. My deal with him is not your concern. Thank you for your help. I'll meet with you when you get off for your payment." Luke snapped his phone shut.

He would get even with Jax Teller, he didn't know how yet but he would not rest until Tara was back in his arms. He pulled out the key to Tara's house, making a spare key was probably the smartest decision he's made in awhile. He was formulating a plan to get Tara back, even if she was in denial about what she wanted right now. She would learn to love him again. She had to, Jax Teller would be the death of her. He couldn't let that happen.


	10. Chapter 10

Jax had been checked out, no further damage had been done to his body.

"How's Tig?" He finally asked after all of the comotion had finally ended.

"He's stable. I was able to get the bullet out, he'll be fine." Tara assured him. She always liked Tig, he was always kind to her.

"Good." Jax closed his eyes, finally allowing himself to rest.

Tara was pacing the room, she had a feeling something bad was going to happen. She couldn't figure out why she was feeling this way, Jax was stable. Opie and her and got here before anything bad could really happen. Luke normally avoided confrontation at all costs so she wasn't really worried about him starting anything especially after Jax was released. Today was probably a one time thing, Jax pulling his wires out, standing up to him and Opie throwing him out probably scared the shit out of him. She was almost certain Luke would be back in New York by tomorrow.

Luke was always a gentle soul, so much different from Jax aside from their facial similarities they were complete opposites. Luke wouldn't stand up to a guy who was hitting on her. He would let her turn them down, like he was afraid all of the time of fighting or the possibility of fighting. Jax, however, would knock a guy out for even looking at her the wrong way. He wasn't afraid of anything.

She cared for Luke and hated that he was upset but he had taken things to far. There was no way they could get past this and be friends. He would never be able to accept anything less than a relationship with her so there was no point of even try. She had to cut all ties with him, there was truly nothing left for him here. She hoped he understood. She was angry so she handled things badly, but every word she said was true. She loved Jax and only Jax. She wanted to be with him, despite their past. Luke would find someone who would love him the way he deserved to be loved. He's a great guy, that was true. He's incredibly handsome, smart, funny, honest, one hundred percent loyal. The girl that wins his heart will be lucky to have him.

So many thoughts racing through her brain had her on edge. She was still pacing the floor, watching Jax sleep. This feeling of dread must be because she's been so exhausted lately. It must be getting the best of her. It had to be that. There was no other explanation.

"Hey sweetheart. You okay?" Gemma asked, she had watched Tara in her own little world pacing all over the floor never even noticing her standing there.

"Shit." Tara jumped. "You scared me." Tara stopped pacing. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking."

"About what?"Gemma questioned, handing her some food.

"Honestly, I don't even know. My brain is on overdrive. All I know is I love Jax and I'm so happy things are finally on track with us." Tara sat down to eat the food Gemma had brought.

"You two are perfect for each other. I'm glad you both decided to get your heads out of your ass and be together." Gemma smirked.

"Me too." Tara yawned.

"Why don't you go home and rest tonight, I'll stay here with him. I promise I won't leave his side. You need a good nights rest." Gemma ordered.

"I might. Exhaustion is kicking my ass and I've got to work tomorrow." Tara yawned again.

They sat in silence watching Jax.

"Tell him I'll stop back by in the morning when I get here before rounds. Tell him I love him." Tara paused at the door, turning back to kiss him one last time. "See you in the morning."

"Bye baby." Gemma waved.

Tara was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. She had been running on fumes since Jax was admitted into the hospital, it had caught up with her.

She woke up a few hours later to a sound in her livingroom. She quietly climbed out of bed, tip toeing through her room.

She got into the livingroom, flipped on the lights and looked around. Empty. She sighed, she must have been dreaming. There was no one here. Her door was still locked.

She flipped the light back off and walked back into her room to her bed.

"Tara, I didn't want things to be like this." She heard Luke's voice behind her.

She screamed. He placed his hand over her mouth.

"Shh Shh, none of that now. I won't hurt you Tara. You know I'd never hurt you." He was holding her against her body, hand still over her mouth. "I'll let you speak if you promise not to scream."

She nodded. He uncovered her mouth.

"What do you want?" She hissed. "Why are you here?"

"Well it's pretty obvious isn't it Tara? I want you. You're all I've ever wanted." He purred in her ear.

She jerked her head away from him. "Don't do this, Luke. If you love me, don't make this any harder on me than it already is. I don't want to hurt your feelings. I've never wanted to hurt you. I care for you, I've always cared for you, we just can't be together." She was trying to get out of his grip, but he held tighter.

"See I knew you would say that but here's the problem. I've invested ten years in you Tara. I can't just walk away. I won't walk away. You will marry me, you will spend your life learning to love me if that's what it takes but you will be mine. I'm not asking anymore. I'm telling you." He growled.

"You can't push me into marrying you. It doesn't work that way, Luke." She struggled against his hold again.

"Here's the thing, it does work that way. You will be with me, you will come with me to New York if you want Jax and the rest of Samcro to make it out of this alive." He chuckled at whatever he was thinking.

"You're planning to hurt Jax and Samcro? Seriously?" This made Tara laugh out loud. Luke wasn't aggressive. He was planning on to take on the outlaw motorcycle club, who she was pretty sure had killed people before without a second thought. 

"You laugh now, but there's something about me and my family that you don't know Tara. I've hid it from you. Hell I've even ran from it myself but I think it's time to embrace my roots. Sit on the bed, don't scream. Do not make any sudden movements, Tara. I don't want to hurt you." He ordered, letting her sit down on the bed.

"What do you mean embrace your roots, Luke?" Tara questioned, confused by everything that was happening.

"You should really look into people you let into your lives Tara." He laughed. "For one, my name isn't even Luke Scott."

"What is your name?" She asked, feeling afraid of him for the first time since they met ten years ago.

"You don't need to know that right now. All you need to know is you're going to choose me. You're going to marry me. If you don't Jax won't live to see his recovery. His family will be right behind him. Bodies will fall in Charming." He chuckled, he was pleased at her reaction.

"I don't believe you. You're just trying to scare me." She rolled her eyes, hoping he was just messing with her.

"Oh is that all? Try me." He spoke slowly, kneeling down so he was eye to eye with her.

She took a deep breath. "So if we are going to be married, shouldn't I at least know what my last name is going to become?"

"You're smart baby, sometimes to smart for your own good. Since you're not leaving here unless it's with me to New York I guess there's no harm in telling you. Your last name will be Salvatore. You are marrying into the biggest, the most well known and feared crime syndicate in the world. Congratulations baby." He smirked as recognition flashed across her face.

"You lied to me?" Fear evident in her tone.

"Well I guess it's only fitting since you lied to me. You lied to me for years about your feelings for Teller. I was actually trying to live my life without my family's influence but you brought me right back into it. I'll need their help with Samcro if you don't do what I say. My family will wipe Samcro off the map, with very little effort. As you saw at the hospital with the nurse, Claire, we're able to get our way. I was able to get to Jax with little effort, I was able to get a nurse to silence the alarms. If I wanted to hurt him then he'd be dead. No, then I wanted you to see I was able to get to him, I was able to get to all of them, especially you. They will all be safe as long as you come with me and do exactly what I say. You don't, and it'll be as if they never existed. Don't try me. "

Tara stared at him, angrily wiping away the tears from her eyes. Her heart feeling like it was going to beat out of her chest.

"What do you want me to do?" She asked.

"Give me this." He said, grabbing her cell phone out of her purse. "You won't need it anymore. Pack your shit. Only the essentials, we'll buy you more when we get home." He threw a duffel bag to her.

"Write a note, tell them you changed your mind. You're glad he's recovering but you can't be with him. Tell him not to come looking for you. If you do this and follow my instructions Jax and his family will be safe. If you don't, you won't want to see what my family is capable of. I promise you that." He handed her a pen and paper after she packed her bag.

She wrote her note, folded it and placed it on her bed.

He drove them to an air strip and they boarded a plane that she assumed belonged to his family.

"You're doing the right thing baby. You'll see." He leaned into kiss her but she jerked her head away.

"Always the stubborn one. It'll be fun taming you." He laughed.


	11. Chapter 11

"Where's Tara?" Jax asked for the tenth time since he woke up this morning. Gemma kept reassuring him she would be here in a little while but she had to admit she was starting to worry herself.

"I'll check baby. Don't worry. I'm sure she'll be here soon." Gemma pulled out her phone and called Tara's cell again. Voicemail, damn. "I'm going to go down and see if she's had to start her rounds, maybe she woke up late and had to get straight to work. She's been exhausted lately, I'm sure that's what happened. I'll be right back."

Gemma questioned everyone she could find about Tara. No one had seen her. She was supposed to have clocked in over an hour ago but no one can reach her. Gemma was really worried now.

"Hey baby, can you have one of the boys run over to Tara's and check on her? She was supposed to come see Jax before she had to work but she never came. They said she hasn't shown up for her shift. She was supposed to clock in over an hour ago. I'm starting to worry but I don't want to panic Jax." Gemma had called JT.

"Op's here, I'll send him. I'm sure she's fine." JT replied.

Opie had been knocking on Tara's door for a few minutes but there was no response. He placed his ear up to the door but there was no sound at all. He went around to the back door and kicked it in, the back door wouldn't draw as much attention as the front. He walked around the entire house but she was no where to be found. All he found was a folded up piece of paper on the bed.

He sat down and opened it. SHIT! This couldn't be happening. Something was wrong. Tara just wouldn't up and leave. She was so set on her and Jax working their shit out. Yes, something was definitely wrong.

He had Gemma meet him outside of the room.

"Did you find her?" Gemma asked nervously.

"No she's gone." Opie handed her the note.

"I don't understand. She told Luke to go. Why would she tell Jax she was coming back if she had planned to just leave with him?" Donna asked, reading the note with Gemma.

"Something is definitely wrong. I don't know what's going on but I do know this is going to send Jax over the edge of insanity." Op responded, shaking his head.

"Maybe we should wait to tell him." Donna said, still staring at the paper.

"We can't. He's already asked about her every few minutes for the last hour. He's upset, we have to tell him." Gemma opened the door to his room.

"Did you find her?" Jax asked, eyes on Opie.

"No. She wasn't there baby. She left you this." Gemma handed him the note.

 _Jax,_

 _I'm sorry to do this to you. I've had time to think. This life's been to crazy, to hard. It's taken its toll on me. I can't live by your code. I'm with Luke. I need stability and he's a good guy. You're dangerous. You're not good for me. His life can give stability and a family. I need that, I'm sorry. I have to do what is best for me. Your life is filled with crime. I need to live where I can be my own boss. Not surrounded by dangerous criminals. I'm sorry. I will always love him. It was meant to be. You Don't do anything stupid._

 _-Tara_

Jax was speechless. She had promised him they would work things out. What the hell happened? This didn't make any sense.

"I'm sorry baby. You need to let her go. Get better." Gemma tried comforting him.

"This is bullshit." He shouted. He pulled the wires out, climbing out of bed.

"Jax get back in bed bro. You need to be here." Opie was pushing him back into the bed.

"Fuck that! I've got to find her." Jax shoved back against Op.

"She's gone man, she chose him." Opie protested.

"NO! She's confused. She doesn't know what she's doing. I don't know what's going on but I can't just walk away and let her go. I need to know!" Jax was shouting.

"Let him go, Op. We'll sign him out, take him home. He'll be better off there." Gemma ordered.

They signed the papers releasing him against the doctors orders. Jax didn't give them much of a choice. He read the letter over and over trying to make sense of it. He just couldn't understand why she would up and leave. She told him she loved him, she promised. Tara wasn't one to break her promises, ever.

"There's something I'm missing." Jax stated, still looking at the note in his hands. He had been home for hours. They had Juice digging into Luke trying to find an address for him in New York.

"Son, she may have just changed her mind about us, about you. Maybe he made her an offer she couldn't refuse." JT said, patting his son's back. He hated seeing him this torn up.

"No. I know Tara. I'm missing something." Jax said angrily.

"Alright son, we will keep trying to find answers tomorrow. It's late you need to rest." JT ordered. "I'm sure Juice will have answers for us and then we can go to the source."

Jax refused to go to sleep, he had to figure out what was going on. Hours ticked by and he read the letter over and over.

All of Samcro was there first thing the next morning to start working on this again. Jax refused to believe Tara just left so she's top priority.

"Holy Shit!" Jax shouted.

"What's wrong?" Everyone was staring at him.

"It's code. She wrote the note in code." He exclaimed.

"What are you talking about baby?" Gemma questioned, everyone confused.

"When we were in school we would pass notes back and forth but they would be wrote in code so if anyone found them they wouldn't understand. The last word of each sentence. except for the last line. " Jax paused looking over the note again.

"I've been taken by Luke he's dangerous his family is crime boss criminals love you don't do anything stupid." He paused again, taking a deep breath. "That's the code."

"Crime boss criminals? What does that mean?" Happy asked. "We're all criminals, what makes them crime boss?"

"Oh My God!" Donna's hand was over her mouth.

"What babe?" Opie questioned.

"When we were younger, when Tara and me did our paper on the Mafia for a History assignment she would always refer to them as the 'crime boss criminals' the big dogs in the crime game. "You think he's in the Mafia?" She asked.

"Get to work on finding out everything you can on this fucker and his family." Jax growled at Juice.

"Hap, get on the phone get everyone in the US here. If the mafia has Tara we're gonna need everyone." Piney said downing his tequilla.

Every club member in the states were on their way to the clubhouse. Juice was still searching for any information on Luke and his family.

"Got it." Juice printed off the paper he found.

Everyone gathered around the table.

"Lucas Scott Salvatore, son of Benny Salvatore." Juice paused, "as in Benny Salvatore the mafia boss, he's the top guy. There's nothing that goes on in New York or the whole damn United States for that matter that he doesn't have a hand in if he wants. I don't know how Tara got mixed up with this family. This is bad, very bad. If they sense she's disloyal or anything they'll kill her and won't think twice about it. Being from New York, I've heard a lot about them. Parents used to tell their kids scary stories about them to keep them from sneaking out of the house, only they weren't stories everything was true. They're the most dangerous group in the country. No one wants to fuck with them." Juice was holding his head. "I can't look into them any further. They probably have someone that monitors everytime their name is searched, we're going to have to be careful with this one. I'm not sure it's worth it." He handed the paper to JT.

"What the fuck do you mean you're not sure if it's worth it. It's Tara, you stupid fuck." Jax growled.

"I know man. I didn't mean it like that. I just mean if we don't figure it out and plan we could end up getting her or ourself killed." Juice was holding up her hands.

"You don't have to come." Jax growled. "None of you have to come. I'm going to get her."

"Son, calm down. You're not in any shape to be taking on this right now. We will wait, plan, and then will go after her. You have to heal or you're just a liability. We have to wait on the rest of the boys to get here. We have to plan the best strategy so we don't get her killed. Then we will do everything we can to save her, son." JT had a hand on Jax's shoulder to calm him.

"The sons of anarchy are a force to be reckoned with kid. Your dad's right we will get her back but we need you whole before you can go in there guns blazing. We need a plan." Piney chimed in.

"Then get to planning. I'm not leaving her with those fuckers very long."

"How did you sleep?" Luke asked. He came in and pulled open the curtains, letting the bright sunlight filter into the room causing Tara to cover her head with the pillow.

"Time to get up and meet everyone." He ordered pulling the pillow and blankets off the bed.

She held up her middle finger, refusing to get off the bed. He grabbed her, threw her over his shoulder and carried her into the shower. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way Tara, either way you're going to start acting right." He hissed in her ear.

"Fuck off." She muttered.

"Don't push me Tara, I've never hit you but I will especially if you act that way in front of my family. DO NOT embarrass me. You don't want Jax to pay for your misbehavior do you?"

Tara stopped resisting at the mention of Jax's name. "Good girl, now get undressed and take a shower. He leaned against the sink and watched her follow his command.

He licked his lips looking at her naked body. He would eventually get her to let him make love to her again but right now he didn't want to push her. He hated this was how it was going down but he refused to let her go and let that asshole ruin her life. This life wasn't the one he wanted for her, he really didn't want her to ever know about his family but she made him do this. She chose this for them.

He hadn't even wanted to be with anyone until his family pushed the relationship when Tara first moved to New York. She was the old lady of a legacy of Samcro, his dad hated Samcro because of some dealing that went wrong in the past before Luke was ever born. His Uncle Billy was arrested and served twenty years in a California Prison because of a guy named Otto, one of Samcro's first members. His dad made him pursue her at first but he grew to love her. He would do everything he could to keep her safe from his family but he had to keep her in line for that to even be possible.

"Good girl." He said again, after Tara climbed out of the shower. He tried to dry her off but she jerked the towel away from him.

"Enough." He growled, he pulled the towel away from her taking in her naked body one more time. She used her arms to cover herself the best she could.

"Move your hands. We're gonna be married soon, so your body will be mine." He was glaring at her. She refused to move.

"Okay, I guess I'll have to give the order for them to take Jax out. Billy is still in California just waiting on my call." He smirked at her shocked expression.

"I'm not going to force you to have sex with me, so you can relax but I do demand respect. If you can keep your attitude in check and respect me we will be okay. Jax will be okay. After we're married, I will expect sex though so you better figure out how to get on board with that." He walked out of the bathroom, tossing clothes to her from the drawer.

Tara wiped the tears that were forming in her eyes. She hoped Jax was okay, she prayed that he remembered the letters they wrote in school and he was able to decode the message. She also prayed he listened and didn't do anything stupid. This family was dangerous, she hadn't even met them yet but she remembered the research on the history paper she did with Donna. This was the same damn family she did the paper on. If she wasn't careful they would kill Jax just to get back at her and she couldn't let that happen. She would do everything they asked or told her to do. She would keep him safe if it was the last thing she did. She didn't know why she was destined to live this life but she would take the cards she was dealt and make the most of them. What other choice did she have?


	12. Chapter 12

"Pop, this is Tara Knowles." Luke urged Tara forward.

"Ahh the notorious Tara that broke my boy's heart. Nice to finally meet you, I'm Benny. You can call me sir." Tara cringed, she didn't like the look these people were giving her.

Luke nudged her, urging her to speak. "Hello Sir." She replied, staring at the floor. She had never been more afraid in her life than she was standing here in the sights of the most feared Mafia Boss in the country.

"I see your manners have returned, that's good. I don't know how much my son has told you about this family. I require respect, if you can respect myself and my family you will get along just fine here. If you can't, you will be punished. You don't have a lot going for you since you played my boy, broke his heart, and chose a Samcro member over royalty. I'll give you one chance to wipe the slate clean. Do you understand young lady?" He spoke slowly, enunciating every word,

making his intent clear.

"Yes." Tara answered, not taking her eyes off the floor.

"Yes, what?" He raised his voice.

"Sir. Yes, sir." Tara scrambled to fix her mistake.

"Good. Lucas, take her to get some food and then show her what her daily chores are around here. She's got to work for her room and board, nothing here is free." He waved his hand, dismissing them.

"C'mon baby." Luke pressed his hand to the small of her back, leading her out of the room. "Calm down, I won't let anyone hurt you." Luke whispered.

She hadn't noticed that her whole body was trembling until he mentioned it.

"Sorry if I don't believe anything you say." Tara hissed under her breath.

"I understand you're angry. I lied to you. I didn't tell you who my family was, but my feelings for you were never a lie. I just wasn't as drastic about it as Teller, I didn't run myself into a barrier on the highway." He put a plate down in front of her in the otherwise empty dining room.

"No you just kidnap me and force me to marry you, if I don't cooperate you have everyone I love killed, then kill me. That's so much better. You say you love me? Jax would never intentionally hurt anyone I love other than himself and he damn sure would never hurt me. Jax loves me you're just insane." Tara blurted out, it was out before she could stop it and instantly regretted it. She didn't want to set him off and risk someone she loves dying because of her. She didn't care if they killed her, death would be easier than this life she was now living.

"You didn't give me a choice." He snapped at her.

"Whatever you say." She stared down at the table, refusing to look him in the eyes. She still couldn't believe this betrayal. She had trusted him for years and all of it was a lie.

"Eat." He won't give you another chance if you deny the food in front of you now, he'll starve you for a few days just to make you understand he's not playing with you. I don't want that to happen, baby, so please just eat your breakfast." He pushed the plate of food back in front of her after she scooted it away.

"Maybe I'll die sooner if he starves me." She whispered. The food smelled good, but she refused to give in. She didn't want to live. There was no way she could be what they were now requiring her to be. She pushed it away again.

"EAT TARA!" He growled, slamming the food down right in front of her. "If you die what do you think happens to Samcro? The only reason they're alive is because of you. If you cooperate they live, that's the deal. Once you stop cooperating they all die and then he'll kill you." He was glaring at her.

She picked up the fork and took a bite. She looked up at him through teary eyes.

"I don't understand how you say you love me." She muttered.

"How do you figure I don't?" He asked, taking a sip of coffee.

"You don't put someone you love in situations that if they don't follow every command they die. That's not how it works. You protect people you love at all costs, against all threats. You don't bring them to death's door step and say do what I say or you die. You don't love me, you love the idea of me. You love that you can control my every move now." She was choking back the sobs.

"I can't make you believe that I love you. You will see in time. Finish your breakfast." He ordered, snapping his fingers pointing to her plate.

"This is Sandy, she will show you what your chores are. Listen to her, do your work, don't give her any problems." He leaned in to give her a hug. "My dad screws her occasionally so she won't hesitate to tell him if you act up." He whispered.

"Follow me." Sandy orders, snapping her fingers.

"What's up with everyone snapping their fingers at me." Tara muttered under her breath.

"Your job today is to wash, dry, hang up the clothes that need to be hung, fold the others," Sandy paused, motioning to the piles of clothes. "This will take most of the day, I'll come check on you in a while." She exited the room, Tara heard the door lock behind her.

Great. Of course they would lock her in a room. Tara shoved clothes into the three washing machines in the room and sat in the chair in the corner waiting for something else to do. Her mind wandered to Jax. She hoped he understood that she didn't want to leave him. She never would have left him again.

"What's the plan?" Jax asked as a crowd of members entered the clubhouse.

"We're still working on it son. You need to relax." JT sighed, he knew that wasn't going to happen. Jax wouldn't relax until he had Tara back in his arms.

"We need to find her, the longer she's being held captive by them, the more chance they will kill her."

"We will find her Jackie boy, we will get your old lady back." Chibbs threw his arm over Jax's shoulder.

Jax nodded. He knew they were doing everything they could to get her back. He was trying to be patient but he wasn't used to feeling so helpless. He was pushing his physical therapy harder than he was supposed to, he wanted to be ready whenever they decided to act on whatever plan they came up with. JT was refusing to let him in on the planning because he's thinking more with his heart than his head. Jax wants to run in guns blazing but JT says they have to be practical, they're not just dealing with some petty thugs. This was the real deal, strategy and execution would be what determined if they came home or not.

"We've got a meet set up with Otto." JT sat down beside Jax, filling him in on what's going on so far.

"Why? Whatever is going on with Otto can wait until after we get Tara." Jax raised his voice, his eyes narrowed at his father. "It's almost like you don't care if we get her back or not. It's not mom, so you really don't care."

"Get a grip, son. Watch your tone. The meet with Otto is about them, he's the only one that's had any dealings with Benny Salvatore. I know your upset but you need to think before you act, Jax. Screw your head on straight, this mess will get you killed if you're not careful." JT glared at his son. Jax has always been a hot head, but when it came to Tara it was a whole different ball game.

"I want to go to the meeting then. I need to know everything Otto knows about them." Jax had made up his mind, JT knew there was no point in arguing with him.s

"We will arrange the visit for Saturday. He's not allowed visitors until then, so we keep planning." JT stated.

"How's it going in here?" Sandy came in looking around the room.

"Three loads have been washed, they're in the dryer. I just refilled the machines. I need to use the restroom." Tara stated. If they are going to hold me prisoner here they could at least have built a bathroom.

"Follow me." Sandy snapped her fingers again, Tara groaned internally. "In there. I'll be waiting right out here. No funny business."

"Sure thing." Tara muttered. She came back out and followed closely behind Sandy, marching back to her prison cell. "How long have you been working here?" Tara asked.

"Get back to work, I'll check on you later." Sandy ordered, ignoring Tara's question.

Tara rolled her eyes once Sandy shut the door. She folded and hung up the clothes that came out of the dryer, put the clothes from the washer into the dryer and reloaded the washer. She sat down in the chair, the exhaustion taking over not long after she got off of her feet.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sandy shouted at her, making her almost jump out of the chair.

"I...I'm...I'm really sorry. It won't happen again. I...My.. My sleep schedule has been messed up and I..I was just so tired, I didn't mean to.. Please. " Tara was stammering. She didn't know much about this family, but she was pretty sure sleeping while she's supposed to be working was a huge no-no. She just hoped Sandy was cooler than she expected and would give her a break. Luke's words about his dad sleeping with her on occasion played back in her mind. If she's trying to stay on his good side, Tara had a feeling the bitch wasn't going to let this slide.

Sandy pulled out a phone and sent a message to someone and waited for a reply.

"Make sure that it doesn't." Sandy hissed, slamming the door behind her.

Tara was waiting for whatever repercussions she was sure was coming after this mistake but was beginning to think maybe Sandy gave her a break after all since after an hour no one had made their way down there.

She took another load of laundry out of the dryer when the door opened again.

"You've been a bad girl Ms. Knowles." A man she had never seen before entered the room. He was a handsome man, in a rough sort of way. He was tall, muscular, jet black hair, a nice face all except for the scar down his left cheek.

"My name is Victor, I'm here for your punishment." He held out a long whip for her to see, a menacing grin on his lips.

"Please sir, I'm sorry. It was an accident. I haven't slept very well in awhile and it just happened. I'm sorry. It will never happen again. You don't need to do this." Tara was pleading with him.

"The way things work around here Ms. Knowles is we take credit for our actions. We don't make excuses. You fall asleep on the job, you get punished. It's as simple as that. You beg to get out of it, you get punished more. No one will take your punishment around here. Now take off your clothes." He ordered.

Tara's eyes were wide. She didn't know what was going to happen next but she did not want to be naked in front of this man.

He slapped the whip across the table, Tara jumped, her whole body was shaking again. "You don't want the whip to shred your clothes and have to walk around here naked. You're not permitted to go to your room until bed time. This is your last chance." He grinned again. He was clearly enjoying this.

Tara's hands were trembling as she pulled off her t-shirt. Her fingers fumbling on the buttons of her jeans. She was standing there in just her bra and panties.

"All of your clothes." He growled, licking his lips, eyeing her up and down.

"Please sir." She pleaded.

"What did I tell you about begging, do as your told, do it now." He shouted.

She unhooked her bra, letting it fall to the floor and slid her panties down, trying to cover herself with her arms and legs the best she could.

"Mmm, I see what the kid sees in you. You have a sexy body. We can make another deal. You can let me taste you and I won't whip you or you can refuse and I'll take this whip to your bare skin. Your choice." He smiled seductively at her.

Tara sobbed. She would take whatever punishment this man handed her but there's no way she's letting him anywhere near her body. She was set on that.

"Go ahead, use your whip, keep your filthy body away from me." She cried out.

"Fine, have it your way you little bitch. Turn around bend over that table." He ordered, pushing her into the table.

He ran his fingers down her spine, cupping her ass in his hands. "You sure you won't change your mind, I could make you feel good." He chuckled.

"NO!" She growled.

"As you wish." He picked the whip up over his head ready to drop it across her back.

"Stop, Victor." Luke entered the room. "Do not touch her, asshole."

"I'm on orders from your father kid. Get the hell out."

"I don't care who ordered you, she's my fiancé, you're not touching her. Now get out. I won't ask again." Luke blocked her body with his.

"Fine you answer to your father you little shit." Victor hissed.

Tara was still leaning over the table, unsure of what was happening. She felt a hand on her back, she stiffened, waiting for the blow to come next.

"Relax Tara, he's not going to hurt you." She felt Luke's breath against her ear, his hand still on her back.

She collapsed to the floor, unable to contain the tears any longer. "This is how much you love me? This is what you want me to go through? This is not love, Luke. This is torture, the farthest thing from love you can get." Tara cried out.

"I didn't let him hurt you, did I?" He asked.

"Not physically." She glared at him, tears still falling from her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I just got back when I heard what happened. I got down here as fast as I could." His heart was heavy, he hated this for her. He really did love her, even if she didn't believe him right now. He would make her see, he gave her clothes back to her. Right now he had to talk to his father.

"Pop, is this really necessary? You can't treat her like this, sending Victor down there to whip her for falling asleep? She's exhausted, of course she's going to fall asleep in the down time of washing clothes. There's forty five minutes before the dryer is done before she can do anything else. What did you expect her to do? You set her up to fail." Luke accused.

"I can do whatever I want. In case you forgot this is my house. You asked for my help, now you got it. Deal with the consequences." Benny was staring down at the papers on his desk.

"This isn't helping her fall in love with me, pop. You're only making her hate me more."

"It's not my job to make her fall in love with you son, it's my job to make her pay for breaking your heart. It's my job to teach her some respect. Now get out of my office, I've got more important shit to tend to than listen to your bitching and moaning."

Luke had now realized involving his family in this was a bad idea. His dad was going to make Tara suffer, he had a sick twisted view on the way a woman should be and Tara was in the line of fire, but maybe she would be molded into the perfect woman for him. That gave him some hope that this may be worth it after all.

"Come on, your chores are done for the day you can rest in our room a little while till dinner is done." Luke stated.

"Our room?" Tara questioned, eyes narrowing.

"Yes. We are sharing a room." He answered, as if it was obvious.

"No, we're not." Tara growled, stopping in her tracks.

"It's not up for debate babe. We're sharing a room, get used to it. You will want me in there anyways. Word has it, Victor has been jerking off to the image of your naked body off and on all evening. If I'm not there what's to stop him from just coming in and taking what he wants from you?" He smirked at the expression on her face. "I've already told you babe, I'm not going to force you to have sex with me. I'm not that kind of guy. You should know me better than that." He gave her a small smile.

"Except I don't know anything about you." She hissed at him. "Nothing real anyways."

"Listen," He grabbed her wrist, pulling her to a stop. "You better get on board with this. My father is not messing around, the more you resist me the more he will make you suffer. I don't want to force you babe, the more you give in the more freedom around the house you will have. Once we're married, all of this stops. The 'old ladies' are not required to do all of the work like the 'slaves'. Right now, my father considers you a slave. So get on board and it'll be a lot better for you."

Tara glared at him. He could not seriously expect her to play nice, like none of this was happening.

"I only want what's best for you." He said once they entered their room.

"Yeah because this is what's best for me." She rolled her eyes, throwing her hands in the air. "Holding me hostage, forcing me to marry you or be tortured. Yeah, that's a life I deserve." She laid down on her stomach, covering her head.

Luke sighed. This was going to be a lot harder than he expected. He left the room, locking the door from the outside. That was his fathers rule, she was to have no access around the house unless accompanied by someone else.

 _The more you give in, the more freedom you will have around the house._ The words were echoing in her head. An idea occurred to her. She would do this. She would play nice after all. She would make them believe they had broken her. She would marry Luke if that's what it took, she would prove she could be trusted. Once their trust was accomplished, she would figure out how to get a message to Jax, how to get herself out of this place. She could do this. She had to. Her life, the lives of her family were depending on it.


	13. Chapter 13

Tara had been resting ever since she finished her dinner. She had never been one to lay down constantly but she was so tired lately.

"I guess some rest helped your attitude." Luke smirked, coming into the room for the night.

"Yeah, I guess so." She forced a polite smile.

He took off his shoes and stripped down to his boxers. "Thank you for being pleasant." He returned her smile.

"No problem." She smiled again. "I figured this isn't really your fault anyways. I shouldn't be upset with you." She lied again, this was easier than she thought. She had never been much of a liar, but right now they were rolling off her tongue with ease.

"I'm so happy you see it that way. I really do love you Tara. I hope you know that." He had an intense expression, staring at her.

"I do. I love you too, it just took awhile to get him out of my head. Sorry, I guess old habits die hard." She shrugged, she couldn't make herself Jax's name without crying. She missed him so much.

He narrowed his eyes, contemplating if she was just telling him what he wanted to hear or if she was being sincere. He hoped they were finally on the right track and could get past all of this soon. He hated treating her like a prisoner.

"I hope you mean that." He stated, laying back on the pillow.

She took a deep breath and laid back against his arm, resting her head on his shoulder. "I do." She whispered, fighting the queasy feeling in her stomach being this close to him.

He flicked the lamp off and smiled in the darkness, cheering victoriously in his mind to finally have her in his arms again, without even forcing her.

She was quiet and still with her eyes closed, making him think she was asleep. She could do this, he believed every word so far. She had been fairly certain Luke would be easy to convince, he made it seem like this was all he wanted so if the option was presented he would jump on it and not put much thought into it. His father may be a little more difficult to convince. He scared her, he held a grudge against her for some unknown reason. Tara knew there was more to it than breaking Luke's heart. Luke and his father obviously weren't that close so it had to be more than his heart being broken. He was probably using that to justify his actions, even if it had nothing to do with it.

Tara was restless, her mind always in overdrive lately. She tried to keep her mind busy with her eventual escape so she didn't dwell on missing Jax to much.

"Good morning beautiful, it's Saturday so I thought I'd let you sleep in." Luke greeted her, dropping his mouth to hers. Tara flinched away momentarily forgetting her plan.

"Oh sorry, you scared me. Good morning." She replied, kissing him quickly. "Thank you, I appreciate it."

"No problem, you looked tired. So pop wants us to join him for breakfast. I'm going to talk to him about moving the wedding up now that you're ready to put all of this behind us, if that's okay with you?" He asked, staring into her eyes.

The times he stared so intently at her she had to be extra careful of her facial expressions. She didn't want to accidentally grimace or something.

"That's fine, I'm ready to get all of this behind me." She sat up, pulling her hair into a messy bun before climbing out of bed. Definitely ready to get this behind me, the sooner the marriage the sooner her escape could become more of a reality if all works out like she wanted it to.

"Good, you want to eat or shower first?" He questioned.

"Shower." She pulled some clothes out of her bag, she still hadn't unpacked. If she was going to make this more believable she decided she needed to do that soon.

"Want me to join you?" He purred.

Tara froze. How was she supposed to answer this? How could she make it believe she really wanted this but not be naked with him right now.

"I guess not?" He narrowed his eyes after she didn't answer for a moment.

"Oh sorry. Think I zoned out. I'm still a little tired." She rushed to fix her mistake, again. She hated being under so much pressure to act or say things a certain way. "Sure, you can join me." She wanted to puke, no she did not want him to join her but what else could she do? He wasn't going to believe she was ready to move on ahead with things if she denied him. She could see that just by the way his eyes narrowed at her.

"Good, I've missed being with you. I love you Tara, all of you." He said, his voice raspy.

"I've missed you too." He led her to the shower and she climbed in, letting the water cascade over her face so he couldn't see her discomfort.

He climbed in and wrapped his arms around her kissing her neck, moving his fingers down between her thighs, sliding them gently in and out of her before inserting himself deep inside of her. She kept her threw back under the water to hide the tears that were streaming down her face, fake moans to hide the sobs. She remembered what Jax had told her once in one of their honest talks since she had been back. " _Do you know how many women I've been with? Hundreds, maybe more. There's only one face I see."_ She took his advice, if she was going to make this believable she was going to have to act instead of standing there crying like a fool. She wrapped her arms around his neck, matching his thrust. Jax's face filled her mind.

Luckily it never took Luke long to finish, she looked at that as a blessing now, just a few minutes each time he decided he wanted to do this and then it would be over. She could do this.

"Damn even better than I remembered." Luke murmured in her ear.

She smiled and climbed out of the shower. She bent over to pick up the towel that had fallen on the floor. "How about another round? This time in the bed so I can see your beautiful face as you ride me?" He asked, pressing his body flush against her back side.

"Later? I'm actually really hungry. Is that okay?" She questioned, afraid to offend him.

"That's fine baby, we can go eat." He went to get his towel he had left on the bed.

Tara let out a sigh of relief. She dried off, she bent over to dry off her feet when she fell to the floor. She broke out into a cold sweat, dizziness, and a wave of nausea hit her.

"Are you okay? What happened?" Luke ran back into the room.

"I..uh...I don't know." She stammered, laying her head down on the cold tile.

"Here. Let me help you up. You're very pale." He picked her up under her arms.

"Let me go. I'm going to puke." She struggled against his hold and leaned over the toilet when he let go.

He handed her a cold wash cloth and exited the room waiting for her to finish puking. Definitely not her Jax. Jax would have been right there behind her, holding her hair back and rubbing her back. That's okay though the less Luke touched her the better off she'd be.

She stood up after a few minutes, still light-headed. She left her clothes laying in the bathroom, all she wanted was to lay down.

"You want me to bring your food up here? You don't look well." Luke stated, helping her to the bed.

"Yes please." She covered up. Well this was definitely unpleasant but she'd take this over being in the same room with Luke's father any day.

"Okay baby just lay here and rest. I'll bring some food up in a few minutes. You want some orange juice? It might help more than coffee." He asked, he looked genuinely worried for her.

"That's fine." She closed her eyes, the nausea threatening to send her running to the bathroom again.

Luke brought some food and orange juice. The smell of the food had her running again. "Take that away." She ordered from the bathroom. "Please." She added.

Luke narrowed his eyes. She loved Steak and eggs, now the smell has her gagging.

"Are you pregnant?" He asked.

"What...No?" She replied. A thought crossing her mind. Her period was late. It was supposed to come about the time Jax had wrecked. She was so caught up with taking care of Jax and then all of this she hadn't even noticed. "I think it's probably just PMS, I'm not pregnant."

"I don't know Tara. I've never known your period coming to make you this sick. You get moody as hell but you don't do this. We should do a pregnancy test. We may be having a baby!" He exclaimed, he was beaming.

"I don't think I'm pregnant." Tara was much less enthusiastic, a pregnancy would definitely complicate things. "You can get a test but I'm sure it's just PMS." She closed her eyes, hoping he'd let her rest. He did. He kissed her forehead and left the room.

She was doing mental calculations. If she's pregnant, it's Jax's. There's no way it could be Luke's. Her estimated conception would be the day her and Jax made love. Luke had been in New York, there was no way it could be his.

Her only chance to get through this with her and the baby coming out alive would be let Luke think this was his baby. She always hated girls that deceived guys into believing they were a kids father when they weren't, but this was different. This was survival mode.

Luke returned with the home test. It was positive. She came out of the bathroom she sighed, took a deep breath, and put on a fake smile. "Congratulations daddy."

"Yeah? I'm going to be a dad? That's great!" He picked her up and spun her around.

She threw up all over him. "I... I'm...Oh shit. I'm so sorry." She covered her mouth.

"It's okay." He grimaced. "My fault." He shut the door, turning the shower back on.

"Good job baby." She whispered, rubbing her stomach.

***************** ALL THAT YOU CAN'T LEAVE BEHIND *********************

"Good to see you brother." JT and Jax greeted Otto. "We need some information about Benny Salvatore." JT stated.

"Benny Salvatore? I haven't heard that name in years. What you need to know?" Otto asked, confused.

"We have a situation so anything you can tell us about him and his group would be helpful." JT replied.

"Any situation with the Salvatore's ain't good brother." Otto answered.

"Just tell us what you know, Otto!" Jax growled.

"Easy son." JT put his hand on Jax's shoulder, an attempt to calm him.

"What's this?" Otto asked, staring Jax down.

"He's got my old lady. I need to know whatever I can to get her back." Jax said, calmer.

Otto looked at Jax, finally understanding the hostility. He would do anything he could, kill anyone who threatened Luanne so he understood the behavior of the Prince.

"He has a brother. Billy. Last I heard he was still in the area. You find him, you can get to your girl. Benny would do anything for his baby brother, that may include trading your old lady if you have a hostage." Otto paused. "Billy won't be an easy one to catch though. He's a tough son of a bitch and hates Samcro."

"What's his deal with Samcro?" Jax asked.

"We had a deal set up to trade guns with him. He said he needed them for the cause. Whatever the cause for Mafia assholes is, I guess. We agreed on 100k for the first shipment. Someone tipped off the cops that a big arms deal was going down, they raided. We got away, Billy didn't. He served hard time, I don't even remember how many years over it. He blamed Samcro, said we set him up. Big brother Benny blamed us too, he sent that message that Samcro would pay, then things died down. I figured they let it go. Tell me about your old lady. How did she get on their radar? I wouldn't have ever thought they'd get to Samcro by an old lady."

"I was stupid. I pushed away Tara ten years ago, thinking I was doing what was best for her. She needed to go to college so I ended things with her. She went to school in New York, she met Luke Scott, except it turns out his name was actually Salvatore, Benny's son. He had lied to her and everyone else about his name and his family. They moved here, she chose to be with me, he kidnapped her and took her to New York most likely with his father." Jax growled, gripping the table so hard his knuckles were white.

"It sounds like when you pushed her away you set them up to get their revenge on Samcro." Otto whispered. "Your old lady has been a pawn in this from the start. I'm sure Benny knew when she moved back home, she would choose you, she would make you fall in love again, Samcro would do anything to get their "Princess" back. That's when they'll make their move. They won't attack until you show up there to get her. At least that's what I think they're doing. They probably already have snipers set up around the perimeter they are keeping her in to take out the ones they consider least important. They'll probably kill your old lady right in front of you, taking everything from you right before your eyes before they execute you. Revenge has always been a game to them. I can't tell you much else, they switched cities since I had any business with them. I wish I knew more, good luck Jax, I hope you get your old lady back without a lot of Samcro casualties. I'll see what I can find out here, I'll let you know what I find out."

"If we find the brother, what's the chances he'll trade Tara?" JT asked.

"It's a good chance they'll say they'll trade and then strike you down at the meet. You just need to be prepared for all possibilities when it comes to them. Don't rush into it. You can beat them if you have the right numbers and right setting." Otto explained.

"We have the numbers." Jax growled.

The announcement came that visitation was ending.

"Good luck boys. I'll see what I can find out." Otto hugged each of them before leaving.

"Well let's go tell this new information to the guys." JT sighed, it wasn't a lot to work with but now they needed to find this asshole's brother.


	14. Chapter 14

"Did you tell your dad?" Tara asked. Luke brought her in some crackers that Tara had requested.

"Not yet. He's dealing with something right now. He wasn't even at breakfast this morning."

"Oh, do you think he's going to be upset about it? I know he doesn't like me." Tara took a bite of the cracker, it's the only thing that's not making her stomach turn.

"Baby, he was only upset because he thought you wanted to be with them instead of me and my family. My dad hates Samcro and anyone with ties to them. You no longer have ties to them. You're forever tied to me, thanks to that little bun in the oven." He placed his hand on her stomach, rubbing gently. "We just need to get that crow covered up so he knows you're serious about us then we can get married and everything will be settled."

Tara sighed, she hadn't even thought about him demanding the crow be covered up. It was heartbreaking but something that had to be done if she ever wanted her and her baby's freedom.

"The sooner the better." She could feel her heart racing. "I'm ready to start our life together as a family. You, me, and our little one." She placed her hand over his.

"I can have someone here this evening to cover up the ink." He pulled out his phone and texted someone. "The wedding can be as soon as you'd like."

"Anytime. You're my only family so it'll all be up to how fast your family can be here to witness it." Tara rolled over on to her side staring at the wall. "Sorry, my back started hurting."

"We can do a quick ceremony after your ink is covered, maybe tomorrow, then do a bigger one with all of the friends and family later on after the baby is born." He was thrilled, she could hear the excitement in his voice. She knew he really did care for her but that wasn't enough. This family would never be her family no matter what she was forced into doing.

"Sounds good. Do I have time to rest? I'm feeling run down again." She asked with an apologetic smile.

"Yeah, rest baby. I know you and the baby need all the rest you can get. I'll go see if Pop is free to set everything up. This is going to be great. I can't believe I'm finally getting to marry the love of my life." He left the room, she didn't hear it lock behind her. He must be trusting her which was great. Her plan was working.

She was woke up by the sound of Luke arguing with someone. She couldn't hear another voice so she was certain he was on the phone. She pretended to be asleep so she could make out some of the conversation.

"No, I love her. I want to marry her tomorrow. If you don't like that I'll take her and leave and you'll never here from either of us again." He paused. "NO! You can get to Samcro another way. You can't hurt her! If you hurt her you'll kill your grandbaby." Another pause. "Yes, she's pregnant. You're going to be a grandfather. She's ready to move on with this family. She wants to be here. She wants to marry me." "Thank you pop, I'll see you later." She heard him snap the phone closed and sit it on the dresser beside the bed.

"Don't worry baby, I'll always protect you." He whispered, kissing her head.

She heard the shower start running. She rolled over, sure enough the phone was right there on the dresser. She glanced in the bathroom door and saw Luke in the shower. She swiped the phone off of the dresser and dialed Jax's number.

"Hello?" The voice she had been missing dearly said.

"It's me. I don't have much time." She whispered into the phone.

"Tara? Tara is that you?!" Jax shouted.

"Yes."

"Are you okay? Damn babe I've been so worried about you. We're coming to get you as soon as we can. Just hang on, babe!" He exclaimed.

"No. You can't. They have this place guarded at all times. Listen to me. I have to marry him to get them to stop holding me prisoner, that's going to happen tomorrow. I don't want to but I have to, it's the only way to protect myself and our baby. Once I'm able to, I'll run, I'll come back to you. Don't come here. I'll come to you. I'll try to get another message to you when I have more information. Please don't come here, they'll kill you, and our baby needs it's father."

"Baby?" Jax was stunned.

"Yes. I have to go before he gets out of the shower. I love you. I'll call you soon." She hung up the phone, and erased the number from the call history. She placed it back where it was and pretended to be asleep again.

*************ALL THAT YOU CAN'T LEAVE BEHIND****************

"Was that Tara? What did she say?" Gemma asked. Everyone was looking at him waiting on his response.

"She's pregnant." He said dazed. "She said don't come, they'll kill me and our baby needs it's father."

"We have to get her back." Gemma snapped. "If they find out that baby is Jax's they'll kill her and it." She roared.

"She said don't come, she has a plan. She's marrying him tomorrow." Everyone in the room was shocked at how calm he was when he said that. "She said it's her only way to save herself and the baby and the only way she's going to get more freedom, whatever that means."

"Most likely means they are keeping her prisoner until they know she can be trusted and once they think they can trust her they will let her come and go as she pleases. The little girl is pretty smart." Piney shook his head. "She better be careful making phone calls though, one slip up and it's all over.

"So do we just wait and see how it plays out or what? What's the plan now?" Opie asked.

"I think that may be the best option we have. If we take them on while she's there, Otto is right they'll kill her right infront of us. We need her safe before we bring war against them." JT replied.

"I need to get closer to her. She can't run across the country. She's going to need me somewhere near there." Jax said, his mind made up no matter what anyone else said.

"I think that's a good idea, but we can't all go. All of you members head out like you're going back home. Some of us will be in the mix, if anyone is watching they won't know any different. Make a show of it." JT ordered.

"Who all is going to go?" Gemma questioned.

"I'll go with Jackie." Chibs volunteered. "I'm in boss." Happy stepped up too. "You know I'm going." Opie stated.

"...and me." JT replied. "That'll leave you with very low numbers. A few SamDino members can stay behind with our guys. Gem, you stay here at the clubhouse until we're back. Tig, you and Bobby keep her safe."

They nod.

"Let's get things ready to go then." Jax said, he was anxious to get going. They were going to catch a plane out of LA in case anyone was watching the nearby airports.

***************ALL THAT YOU CAN'T LEAVE BEHIND************

"Hey, when did you get back?" She asked, faking a yawn and stretching.

"A while ago. One of the idiots out there got oil all over me so figured I'd take a shower while you were still asleep. How do you feel?" He asked, sitting down beside her. He rubbed her hair out of her eyes.

"I'm okay. I guess it's the pregnancy making me feel like I have no energy. Sorry I'm so sleepy."

"No worries baby, you can rest all you need to." He kissed her stomach. "Hey baby, it's your dad. Take it easy in there on your mom, okay?" He kissed her stomach again before sitting back up.

She instantly felt bad. She could see the love he had for this baby, he would be heartbroken when he learned the truth. That didn't change the fact that this was a dangerous family that she had to protect her baby from. It wasn't about her and Jax anymore, there was a whole new life to think about. A life that she would die to protect, without hesitation. She also knew there was another person, another family actually, that loved this baby more than anything already and that was the family she would strive to get back to. The family that she belonged with. The family her baby belonged with.

There was a knock at the door.

"Well I thought I'd come in here and see for myself." Benny was standing there staring at Tara. "So pregnant and wanting to get married?" He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Yes, sir. I've always loved your son. I just lost myself for awhile." She stated, refusing to look away this time. She maintained eye contact, which impressed him.

"So are you ready to get the mark of Teller off your skin?" He asked watching for any change in expression. She held eye contact, kept her composure.

"Yes."

"Very good. It's set up, if you want to come downstairs our guy is getting everything together." He held his hand out to her.

She took a breath and grabbed it. He led her down the stairs to the man who was going to cover up her crow.

"I'll see you when you're done. Come with me Lucas." He ordered.

She held her tears at bay. It was gone. The tattoo that meant she always belonged to Jax was now covered. She knew she shouldn't be this upset. She had something more that no one could ever take away from her. She had his heart and she was carrying his baby. The tattoo could be replaced.

"Lets see it." Benny ordered. "Great job Sullivan."

"I'm so proud of you." Luke whispered in her ear. "Pop wants to do the wedding tonight. The minister is going to be out of town tomorrow so we'll do it tonight and then a bigger one at a later time like we planned. Okay?"

She nodded. "The sooner the better." She repeated her words from earlier.

"Good girl." Benny stated. She almost felt as if everything was a test.

They had everything set up for this shotgun wedding quicker than she ever dreamed possible. It had seemed like just a few minutes ago he was telling her the plan for it to happen and here she was standing in front of him and his psycho family.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." As soon as the words were out of the ministers mouth Luke had pulled her in, his tongue darting around her mouth.

"Ladies and Gentleman, I now introduce to you for the first time Mr and Mrs Lucas Scott Salvatore." Benny announced loudly. The crowd erupted into cheers.

Tara plastered a smile to her lips She was sure someone could see the fakeness but no one seemed to notice. Luke had given her keys to the house, which caused a real smile to make its away upon her face. This was it and it hadn't taken nearly as long as she was expecting. They now considered her part of the family or so she thought.


	15. Chapter 15

Tara had excused herself to the bathroom during the reception. She made her way up the stairs to her room swiping the phone that Luke had left on the bed. She locked the bathroom door and turned on the sink.

"Jax, it's happened. They have given me keys, I will be coming home to you soon." She exlaimed as soon as Jax picked up. His voice caused her insides to tingle in response.

"You won't have far to go. We are almost to the city." Jax replied.

"What? Here? He's taking me to the Hilton off of 103rd for the honeymoon. His father refused to let us leave the city so he compromised. We're leaving in a few hours. I've got to hang up soon." She whispered.

"Then I guess I'm going to the Hilton. At midnight sneak down into the lobby. I will find you there. I love you, Tara."

"Love you." She snapped the phone shut sliding it into her bra just in case someone had came into the room. Luckily no one had, so she put it back where Luke had it and went back to the party.

"How's my new wife feeling?" Luke whispered into her ear, his tongue sliding against her skin.

"I'm okay, anxious to get going and get you all to myself." She purred.

"We can leave now." He pulled her by the hand out the door.

He couldn't wait to be inside her again so if that meant leaving their own reception early then so be it.

He had made love to her several times and Tara watched the hand on the clock tick slowly by. TIme had been dragging by but it was finally five minutes until midnight.

"I'm kind of hungry. I think I'm gonna go downstairs and get a snack. Do you want me to bring you anything?" She asked, sliding on her shorts, tanktop, and flip flops. It was kind of cold outside but it would look strange if she grabbed her jacket.

"I'll come with you." He suggested, sitting up to get dressed.

"No, that's okay. I want you to be here waiting for me just like that with him," She placed Luke's hand on his penis, "all ready to go for me to climb on when I get back. This pregnancy has my hormones all kind of crazy and I just can't get enough of you." She smiled when he started stroking himself up and down.

"Don't be to long." He ordered.

"I won't. Maybe I'll bring some whipped cream up here." She winked, licking her lips.

The elevator finally opened in the lobby. She looked all around but there was no one in sight. She felt disappointed, he said he would be here. Where was he?

She turned the corner when someone put their hand on her mouth and pulled her into a dark room.

"It's me." She heard his voice whisper before she saw his face. She turned and jumped into his arms full force, almost knocking him backwards.

"Oh baby I've missed you so much!" She cried out.

"Shhhh. I've missed you too." His lips were on hers, their tongues dancing back and forth.

"Come on love birds we've got to go, the danger ain't over yet. This was way too easy." JT stated, his eyes scanning for any immediate danger.

They had Tara surrounded, Jax had her pulled into his side. JT was in front and Happy was behind her. Chibbs was waiting outside the side exit door in an unmarked van.

They had called in a favor with Donny DeMerrit and had a plane waiting for them to bring them back to Charming.

Everything had worked out perfectly. They were safely on board and the plane was up in the air. Maybe they really had trusted her so soon.

Once they were safely back in Charming the whole club house was on lock down to wait out any potential threat. JT was sure one was coming, he just didn't know when.

"Welcome home baby." Gemma greeted once everyone was safely inside. She kissed Tara's cheek and rubbed her belly.

Tara excused herself to the room she would now be sharing with Jax. She was happy to see everyone but she was nervous too. Nervous about the impending threat against her and her family and nervous about Jax being upset that she was officially married and his crow was gone.

Jax went with her, he refused to let her out of sight.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, she rested her head in his lap. He rubbed her hair.

"I'm okay but there are some things we need to talk about." She replied, breathing heavily. "You know I had to marry him to get away, I also had to sleep with him." She paused waiting for the outburst that she anticipated. She heard his breathing hitch but that was it. "They also removed the crow." She pulled up the back of her tank top. "I'm sorry, I didn't want it to happen, any of it but I had to."

"It's okay. We will put the crow back. You did what you had to do to get back to me safely. I understand that babe. Don't be upset or beat yourself up over it. You saved you and our baby and you're here with me now, that's all that matters. I love you, Tara more than anything or anyone in this world. You are my everything. You always have been, you always will be. You and this baby." He dropped his lips down to her belly kissing it softly.

"I love you too." She wiped the tears from her cheek. It felt good to be back with him, this was home. This is her happy place. These were happy tears. "How are you feeling?" She asked, suddenly realizing that everything had been about her situation that she hadn't even looked into his injuries.

"Don't worry bout me babe, I'm one hundred percent." He smirked, she rolled her eyes remembering their last conversation about not sleeping with him until he was completely healed.

"You're a class act." She reiterated her words from then, chuckling at his innocent expression. "Seriously, how are you doing? Let me look." She looked at all of the spots that had been injured. He was looking a lot better, she assumed he had been pushing himself way to hard in physical therapy.

"Baby, now that I have you back and I have a little one cooking in here" He rubbed her belly. "I'm better than I have ever been. I promise you that. I love you so much babe."

"I love you more." She leaned in giving him a quick kiss before resting her head back in his lap so he could play with her hair some more. She felt content, something she hadn't felt in so long.

Days had gone by without any incident.

"Maybe they are just going to let her go and this is all over." Juice spoke up. "I mean it's been almost a week and we haven't heard anything."

"That's what they want you to think." Tara sat down on Jax's lap. "They will wait until this lockdown is lifted, until things go back to normal around here. They're probably out there now, watching waiting, just biding their time. I learned a lot about them in the little time I was there. There's no way this betrayal goes unanswered." She paused, not wanting to tell about all that went on there but they needed to know. "When I first got there I was treated as a slave, there was piles of laundry on the floor in their laundry room which held three washers, three dryers, and a table to fold the clothes on. I hadn't hardly slept in days, while I was waiting on the next load to fold I fell asleep sitting up in the chair. Benny had sent a man down there who made me strip down naked so he could hit my bare skin with a whip. It was either that or let him inside me." She wiped the stray tear away. "Nothing happened, Luke stopped it before it did but that's the kind of people we are dealing with. This man wanted me punished for falling asleep. Can you imagine what he wants for running out on his son, again."

Everyone in the room knew she was right. They would come, they would want revenge for this crime and the crimes of the past. They would want Tara dead. None of them would let that happen. All of them would die to protect her. Every SOA member was called back, just in case. They were all filled in on what was going on, they were all ready to stand up for Jax, Tara, and the new Prince or Princess.

Jax felt red hot rage. He wanted them to come, he wanted to watch all of them choke on their own blood for what they did to her. They would pay, there was no doubt about that.

This was going to be a war. It was going to get bloody and lives would be lost, lives that she loved dearly. Her mind was consumed with the way it all played out. Benny was smart, too smart to just let her escape so soon. He didn't trust her, he planned this. Everything was set up perfectly to go down like this, the phone randomly being left out, no guards at the hotel just in case. She knew then how bad this really was. They played right into his hand, they would be lucky if anyone made it out alive.


	16. Chapter 16

"We need to get you and Tara out of here. You need to leave the country for awhile. I'm arranging for you to stay in Belfast until this settles down." JT stated adamantly, he needed his son, his future daughter-in-law, and his grandbaby safe.

"No. I'm not leaving you all to deal with this shit alone." Jax protested. They had been arguing back and forth for over an hour, each one refusing to listen to the others side of things. "Samcro needs me, you need me, old man."

"NO!" JT shouted. "Your old lady and your baby need you."

"I can't just leave. This is my fault. If our men die, it's my fault. I can't run and hide like a little bitch while you take the fall for me. I won't."

JT shook his head. "This is not your fault, son. Samcro was on bad terms with the Salvatore's long before you. This is our war, not yours. Take your old lady, keep her safe. Opie will be going with you to help keep her safe." He sighed when Jax was still shaking his head NO. "I'm your father, your President, I'm giving you a direct order. Go to Belfast until you get the all clear to come home." JT growled with finality.

"…How do you expect us to get out of here? They're not just going to let us waltz right out of here and hop on a plane out of the country." Tara spoke up for the first time since they started arguing.

"Don't worry sweetheart. We've got that covered." JT winked at her but didn't give her any more information.

"What about Gem and Donna?" What happens to them while you're off fighting my fight and Opie's out of the country keeping me safe?" Tara questioned him.

"Donna is going to Belfast. Gemma too, if she'll go."

"John Teller, I'm not leaving you here to fight this alone." Gemma emerged from the other room.

"Don't you worry about me, woman. I need you safe." JT pulled her into his arms.

"What do you think I need?" She raised her eyebrows at him.

"You need to go and be the fierce woman, the fierce mother that I love and keep our kids and grandbaby safe." JT said the words he knew she wouldn't be able to refuse. Her kids, her family were her life. She would indeed go to the ends of the Earth to keep them safe.

She rolled her eyes, not wanting to admit he had her.

"Son," JT looked back to Jax, who still hadn't agreed to leave. "I need you to do this. Your old lady and your baby need you to do this. You're still fighting the war. If you keep Tara and your baby from their grasp, then we've already won half of the battle." He placed his hand on Jax's shoulder, staring him in the eyes. "There's no shame in keeping your old lady safe, Jax."

"Okay." Jax agreed. He knew his dad was right but he still hated leaving his club behind to deal with this shit storm.

"Good. I'll get everything arranged." JT left.

"You sure about this?" Tara asked hesitantly.

"Yes." He wrapped his arm around her waist. "I'm sure I'll do anything to keep you and our baby safe even if it means leaving my club in the process."

"Thank you." She whispered. She knew how much this was killing him, leaving his family to deal with this only to protect her.

"Shhh. You're my reason for living, Tara. There's no need to thank me." He brought his mouth to hers, kissing her passionately.

JT got a message out to Oswald and called in his favor to use his personal jet. His plan was set in motion.

Even Jax was surprised at how quickly it all came together, but when JT had his mind set on something he wouldn't stop until he achieved whatever it was.

"How are we getting out of here?" Donna asked. She was nervously pacing up and down, chewing on her lip.

"You'll see." Opie smiled.

"Alright it's here. Let's go." Bobby called out.

Tara was nervous to see what exactly was there. No one knew what JT had planned except for Opie and Jax who weren't saying anything. Tara wasn't sure why they were keeping it a secret…bugs maybe? If that was the case though wouldn't they already know they were planning to leave for Belfast. Tara's head hurt from trying to figure out what plan they had.

In the parking lot all Tara saw was the delivery truck that was here every Tuesday.

JT ushered her in the back. She was confused but trusted he knew what he was doing.

The truck started moving. She felt like she was going to vomit all over the place. She was so nervous. She held her knees up against her chest and hugged them tightly rocking back and forth. Jax and Opie were poised at the sliding door in the back, guns drawn, just in case anyone stopped the truck.

It felt like they had been driving for hours. The sweat was rolling off of Tara's forehead.

She cringed when the truck stopped, bracing herself for an attack.

The door slid open and she breathed a sigh of relief when she only saw the driver on the other side.

They rushed to the plane and were up in the air before Tara could even catch her breath. She was still shaking.

"Babe. We did it. We're safe." Jax whispered against her ear.

"I hope so." She sighed before turning to look out the window, one hand in Jax's the other rubbing her stomach.

"I'll keep you and our son safe. I give you my word." Jax squeezed her hand tighter.

"Son? How do you know it's a boy?" She smirked at him.

"Well I figured calling him a boy would get a response out of you…and it worked. So I'm kind of a genius." He grinned her favorite smile. He knew how to make her feel better despite the circumstances.

"My baby, the mastermind." She rolled her eyes but laughed.

The plane landed and Tara looked around curiously. "This is the way to the Belfast charter?" She asked.

"No." Jax replied, his grin still in place.

"Where….Why….I thought..." She looked around.

"No more questions you'll see soon enough. I promise." He interrupted her.

She could hear Donna in the background grilling Op when the same questions as her. They were told they were going to the Sambel clubhouse.

"Opie Winston! I'm not getting on that boat until you tell me what's going on." Donna complained, her arms crossed firmly against her chest glaring at everyone.

Tara stifled a giggle. She had missed her best friend and her attitude.

"Get on the damn boat Donna. Now." Opie growled tossing their bags on board without another word.

Donna glared at him, unmoving.

"Get on the boat before we leave your ass here." Opie rolled his eyes.

She didn't move.

"Let's go. She wants to be a pain in the ass we'll pick her up later." Opie stated, turning away from her.

Tara watched Donna's mouth fall open as the boat started. She knew Jax would never really leave her there, not under the current circumstances. She also knew that if Jax did really start to leave Opie would punch him…hard.

Donna climbed onto the boat shaking her finger in Opie and Jax's direction cursing both of them a mile a minute.

"Sit your ass down and shut the hell up. You're wasting valuable time." Gemma spoke up in the tone that had everyone doing everything she said when she said it

It worked Donna did as she was told and kept her mouth shut. Her eyes were still shooting daggers at her husband but she didn't say another word.

Jax stopped at tied the boat off at a private dock. Tara had no idea where they were but it was beautiful.

"This way." Jax held out his hand to her and she followed him down the white sandy beach to house hidden back behind the trees.

"Wow." Tara said. "Can I ask where we are now?"

"Welcome to the Caribbean baby." He smiled.

"Who lives here?" She asked looking around in amazement.

"We do for now. We need to make sure no one goes looking for us anywhere we have a charter once I'm sure it's safe, we'll go to our next destination. Right now let's just enjoy this little mini-vacation away from all of the drama." He murmured in her ear.

She let it go. Right now she didn't care where they were going next. They were on a beautiful island that looked to be almost secluded and safe. Safe for now. She couldn't help but wait for trouble to find them. It always did. Jax stared off into the distance. She could see the worry in his eyes despite his cheerful words. He worried about his dad and the club, he worried about her and the baby's safety. He didn't have to say a word for her to see it hidden in those beautiful blue eyes.

She knew this wasn't even close to being over. Luke's family was crazy. They would look for her…actually just for her baby…everywhere and not give up until they were found. His dad would torture anyone that would even have the slightest clue of her location. Luke would be desperate to find the baby he was so sure was his. No. This was nowhere near over.

For now all she could do was try to relax. The scenery and the one on one time with Jax would be enough to help with that. She would enjoy every moment she had with him. She knew it could come to an end at any time so she didn't want to waste a second of their precious time worrying on what might or might not happen. She would try not to worry anyways, sometimes that's easier said than done.


	17. Chapter 17---AUTHOR'S NOTE

_**Author's Note: I wanted to take a minute to answer the PM's and Reviews I've received asking when my stories will be updated.**_

 _ **My grandmother was placed on hospice, we were told she would only be with us a few more months-if that-so I decided to take a step back from writing and spend as much time with her as I can. I don't know how much longer she has left, but she's declining rapidly so this time with her is very important to me.**_

 _ **I will update my stories as soon as I can but have no time-frame at this time. I'm sorry that I left some of you wondering and waiting for the next update. I had posted a general announcement in the Facebook group awhile back, but it didn't even occur to me at the time that some of you aren't members of that group.**_

 _ **I appreciate all of your patience and understanding and I will update as soon as I can. Much love to you all!**_


	18. Chapter 18

_Hey guys! Thanks for waiting patiently for the next update. I'm really sorry for the delay. This one is a short chapter, I wanted to get something out to you since I promised an update. I'll have more to you as soon as I can, I'm slowly getting back into the rhythm of writing again. I hope you enjoy this chapter, don't forget to let me know what you think_

Jax could sense Tara's unease since they got to the island. She was trying hard to put on a good show, but she didn't fool him. She was afraid and he couldn't blame her. She had been through hell and it was all his fault. He would never forgive himself for the shit he put her through over the years.

"What's on your mind?" Tara whispered and snuggled closer into his chest.

"Nothing." He kissed the top of her head. "I'm just enjoying being here with you."

"I'm enjoying being here with you, too, but how about you stop lying and tell me what's bothering you." He could hear the concern in her tone. She could read him better than almost anyone.

"Yes ma'am," he sighed, "I was just thinking about how we wouldn't be in this shit if I would've been a better man to you."

"Jax." She started to protest but he put his finger on her mouth to silence her.

"No, it's my fault and we both know it. If I wouldn't have pushed you away back then you wouldn't have ever met Luke. I should have been the man you needed me to be. I'm so sorry Tara. I love you and this baby so much and I will keep you both safe from now until the end of time or I will die trying."

She pushed up on the bed, flipped on the bedside lamp, and straddled him, "Listen to me Jackson Teller," She put her hands on each side of his face. "We both made a lot of mistakes back then. There's no sense in placing blame now. We will get through this together. I love you. I will always love you." She dropped her lips to his.

 **7 months later**

"I'm a whale." Tara whined looking in the mirror at her very pregnant body. She rubbed her hand over her stomach.

"You're beautiful." Jax crooned, he kissed her neck and her belly.

"Most whales are." She winked at him.

"You're not a whale. You're my beautiful fiancé, the mother of my unborn child. The owner of my heart."

"Shit." She huffed.

"I'm being serious." He grinned, it faltered as soon as soon as she sunk down onto the bed screaming out in pain. "Babe? What's wrong?" He was beside holding her hand.

"What's going on in here?" Gemma asked, with Donna and Opie on her heels coming to find out what was happening.

"It's time." Tara cried out again.

"Baby time. Okay. Got it." He was rushing around the room like a crazy person, "I laid the towels out like you asked." He was throwing stuff in the room around. "Stay calm babe." He said still frantically searching for the towels.

"You calm down." Tara watched in amazement, she had never seen him so nervous in her life. "The towels are there. Donna and Gemma got this under control. You just come here and hold my hand." If she wouldn't have been in so much pain this would have been hilarious, she was the one in labor and also the one calming him down.

"It's a boy." Gemma smiled, holding up her grandson for the proud parents to see. She had been nervous coming into this. She'd only helped deliver a few babies around the clubhouse when they couldn't get to the hospital in time. She had never done one completely by herself.

"Way to go, mom and dad. You've given me a beautiful grandson." Gemma handed the newborn over to Tara.

"Hey baby." Tara crooned, "Welcome to the world Abel Thomas Teller." She kissed her baby's forehead. He was so perfect.

She only got to hold him a second before another contraction tore through her body.

"Jax, take the baby." Gemma shouted. She was stunned.

"Alright sweetheart. You've got to push." Gemma shook the shock off and got right back to work.

"What's going on?" Jax asked, panicked.

"Twins." Gemma stated. Jax looked to Tara who looked as equally shocked as he did.

After a few moments, "A beautiful baby girl." Gemma announced.

"Twins." Tara said, tears rolled down her cheeks. How could she have not known. It definitely explained why she was so big.

"A boy and a girl babe." Jax looked at both of his newborns with pride. They were the most beautiful things he had ever laid eyes on.

Tara held her baby girl close to her bare skin. "Gemma Grace Teller, but we'll call her Grace." She stated staring down at her full head of dark hair. It was so different from Abel's who was such a light blonde that he almost looked bald.

"Thank you." Gemma whispered, kissing Tara's forehead and Grace.

"Perfect." Jax agreed. He could stay here forever wrapped in this perfect little bubble with the love of his life and his perfect little angels.

The attack that JT was waiting on never happened. Samcro was ready day in and day out but nothing happened. He missed Gemma so much it hurt, he wanted to see his son and his grandbabies. Gemma had texted him a picture of them.

****ALL THAT YOU CAN'T LEAVE BEHIND****

"No word yet, Sir." Leonardo replied, his voice shaky. He was one of Benny's head soldiers but when he had no good news to report, Benny scared the shit out of him.

"They didn't just fucking disappear. FIND THE BITCH AND FIND HER NOW." Benny shouted.

"I have news." Victor announced.

"What is it?" Luke jumped up, standing beside his father waiting to hear what Victor had to say.

"A message was intercepted to one of John Teller's numbers, our boys beat out of another charter they deal guns to." Victor stated proudly, "A picture of newborns, calling them his grandbabies." He held out the picture.

Luke took it from his hands, "Twins. I've got twins." He smiled to himself gazing at the photograph. "THEY ARE NOT HIS GRANDKIDS. THEY BELONG TO ME. NOT TELLER." He shouted, turning to his father. "We have to find them, NOW! I've got to get my kids and my wife."

"We will get your children, son. Your wife will have to pay for her mistakes. My grandchildren will live here with me. Your wife will be dealt with the same as the rest of them." Benny replied, his hand heavy on his son's shoulder.

Luke nodded, Tara betrayed him. "Just make sure my kids are out of harms way before justice is served."

"Do we know where they are?" Benny questioned Victor.

"Yes and word is most of the SONS are in California. The only one they haven't spotted are Teller and Winston. This will be easy." Victor laughed.

"Let's go then." Benny announced. "Leo, tell my brother to start the attack on the clubhouse. Victor, Luke, Taylor, and me are taking a little side trip." His menacing laughed echoed through the room.


	19. Chapter 19---final chapter

"They are so beautiful." Jax smiled lovingly down at his twins in Tara's arms, "you did so good baby."

"Do you think they will be safe?" Tara never took her eyes off of the new owners of her heart, "I need to know they are safe." Her fears more prominent now more than ever.

"We will keep them safe babe. Their safety…and yours…is our number one priority from this day forward. I will do anything to protect you."

"We need to move baby." Gemma burst through the door of Jax's room. "I made a mistake. I sent your father a picture of the twins. He thinks the location maybe compromised. The attack has started on the clubhouse." Tears were streaming from her eyes. Jax wasn't used to seeing his mother cry, she was always so tough, but she knew that her error in judgement was an epic fuck up that may have cost them everything.

"FUCK!" Jax growled and he and Opie were in action moving their family out of whatever may be coming. "How long ago did you send the picture?"

"Right after they were born. I got a call just a minute ago telling me they were there."

"Well if they are in Charming then they aren't coming here." Donna sat down on the arm of the sofa.

"Luke, his father, and some others aren't there. JT thinks it may be a distraction. That was the last he said before the line went dead."

"They had a head start." Opie growled, "we need to go now bro."

"Where are we gonna go?" Jax sighed, "if they had that much head start then we sure as shit don't need to be sitting in open water waiting on an attack. No, we need to hide them down there and prepare the best we can."

"We don't even know how many guys they have!" Opie hissed.

"I know," Jax responded, "but it's the only shot we have. Do you really want to gamble being sitting ducks out there on the water?"

"So we fight here?" Opie nodded, he still looked unsure.

"It's our only option. If they do show up, then we will fight to the death if that's what it takes but no one is hurting my family." Jax pulled Tara into him.

"I will stand beside you son. I will defend my family too." Gemma pulled her gun from her purse.

"Me too. I just need a gun." Donna added. She was nervous, she hadn't ever shot anyone before. She wasn't even sure if she'd be able too but she would try if it meant help keeping the family safe.

"Give me a gun too." Tara looked at Jax.

"You need to stay with the twins babe." Jax protested.

"I will," Tara gave him a 'duh' look, "but if someone comes down there with us that shouldn't be there then I will need a gun. So stop wasting time..."

"Fine." He reluctantly agreed to her request. "Let's get you downstairs." He and Opie carried the twin's bassinet down into the basement. "I love you." Jax kissed Abel's head, then Grace's, and pulled Tara's lips to his.

"We love you too daddy." Tara forced a smile. She hated herself. She should have never gotten involved with Luke, her babies and her family wouldn't be in danger right now if she would have kept to herself.

"Stay down here until I come to get you. They may not come. This may just be one big precaution that never amounts to anything but…" the glass shattering echoed through the house cutting off Jax's words. He ran up the stairs.

"Looks like there's four." Opie whispered, "unless some are hiding somewhere else."

"Mom, you and Donna get down there with Tara." Jax ordered.

"I'm going to help…"

"I need you helping her protect my children more than I need you up here. Now go, there's no time to argue." Jax hissed, silencing her. Gemma and Donna did as they were told.

"WHOA sweetheart, it's just us." Gemma held her hands up in surrender as Tara pointed the gun directly at them.

"Sorry. Didn't think anyone was coming down." Tara mumbled lowering her weapon and staring back down at her babies.

Gemma never expected to ever be proud of someone for holding her at gunpoint but seeing Tara standing there guarding her children from whatever harm was coming made her prouder than she had ever been of the girl.

"Jax sent us. Thankfully. I'd much rather be down here." Donna answered her voice quaking.

"Oh," Tara nodded, "sorry again."

"No need to apologize baby. You were protecting my grandbabies. You did everything you were supposed to, hell if you hadn't pointed it at us, I'd be breaking my foot off in your ass." Gemma smirked.

Tara nodded again. Gun fire filled the air. The women moved the sleeping twins into the closet. Tara held them close to her body rocking them gently praying the soothing movement would keep them lulled to sleep and the shots ringing through the air wouldn't startle them awake and give their location away.

Tara gently laid the twins down on the blanket by Donna and stood up side by side with Gemma with her gun pointed out at whomever was dumb enough to try to hurt their family.

The closet door turned and Tara stood face to face with Luke. His eyes darted past the two women pointing the gun at him to the babies laying on the floor behind them.

"Tara, why did you do this?" Tears welled up in his eyes, "I loved you. I've only ever loved you."

"Holding me hostage? Lying to me? That was love? Get real Luke." Tara hissed.

"It breaks my heart that you don't see the love I have for you…even now…after everything you did." He gazed at her, his expression echoed the loving words he said out loud.

"If you love me so much then stop all of this." Tara never lowered the gun and he didn't make a move toward her. "Make your dad stop."

"You know he won't. You betrayed our family twice."

"YOUR FAMILY BETRAYED ME!" She shouted.

The twins screamed in unison. She was amazed that they remained silent through the whole exchange upstairs but were startled by her shouts.

"I'm trying to help you here." Luke shushed her. "Get out of here. My father wants you dead. I don't want that."

"I'm not leaving without my family." Tara objected. "And I'm NOT LEAVING MY BABIES!" She narrowed her eyes at him, she wasn't dumb, she knew he hadn't mentioned taking them out of here. He wouldn't let her leave with him, he still thought they were his.

"I will go with you," he smiled, "we will take the babies and run. My dad will see how much you mean to me and he won't hurt you. You will be safe and you will be here to raise them."

"You know that's not an option. I won't leave Jax or the rest of them behind. My children need their father…their real father…and that's not you." She knew she was walking a fine line but he needed to see the truth. He was reasonable…most of the time.

"No." He shook his head adamantly, "they are MY babies, and you can either be with them or you'll be dealt with like the others. Make the right choice babe."

"Look at them." She hissed, stepping aside briefly making him see how much Abel looks like Jax even in infancy, the resemblance was to strong not to notice unless you just wanted to deny it.

She could see the moment his eyes landed on her sweet Abel he knew the truth as much as he wanted to deny it.

"You bitch." He lunged and Tara's finger squeezed the trigger without hesitation, without giving Gemma-who was also ready to shoot- a chance to react. He fell to the floor blood spewing from his lifeless body. It was a perfect chest shot.

She stared unblinking at his body. She hadn't meant to kill him. She only wanted to stop him. The tremors overtook her body. Gemma held her tight against her. "Shhh. It's okay. It's okay."

The basement door flung open and Gemma grabbed her gun. Jax came barreling down the stairs.

"Jax." She pulled from Gemma and flung herself into his arms. Opie came down the stairs holding his shoulder with a blood soaked shirt.

Donna ran out of the closet to Opie and jumped into his arms making him cry out in pain. "Shit. Sorry."

"Are they dead?" Gemma questioned scooping the twins up from the blanket.

"Did you have any doubts?" Jax asked, holding Tara's trembling body against him. "We're safe." He whispered in her ear.

"She's been that way since…" Gemma's words trailed off but her eyes drifted to Luke. "She did what she had to. She did good." Jax was stunned, he had figured his mom took the fucker out. He honestly didn't think Tara had it in her.

"You?" He asked.

She shrugged, "I had to. He lunged for us. I didn't have time to think. I just…"

"Do you know how proud of you I am? So fuckin' proud babe." He brought his lips to hers again.

She pulled away after a few moments, "come on Opie. Let's see what we can do with this." She stitched up the bullet wound.

Jax held both of his babies and watched as his girl took care of his best friend. He loved her so much more now than he even dreamed of a few hours ago.

"Did you talk to pop?" Jax asked. Gemma's face was ghostly as she stepped down the stairs.

She shook her head no, "Happy said it's over there too…we lost some…" She choked out.

All eyes were on her, "who?" Opie asked.

"Some of the SanDino guys, Tacoma guys, Clay, Tig, Bobby, and Half Sac." Her eyes flickered between Jax and Opie, "JT and Piney suffered some serious injuries. They are in the ICU.

Donna fell to her knees wailing.

"Let's go." Jax stated. His eyes suddenly focused again. All of the happiness he felt a few moments ago had faded. He needed to get to his other family. "We never should have fuckin' left." He growled.

Opie nodded his agreement.

Tara remained silent. Silent tears streamed down her face. She blamed herself. She knew that SAMCRO had a problem with Luke's family that had nothing to do with her but this…this was a blood bath that she couldn't help but blame herself for. If she would have just given up her happiness and spent her life with Luke this probably would have been a different outcome.

The trip back to Charming was the longest trip of their lives.

When they finally arrived back, everything was a disaster, members were in the hospital, and other members were in jail.

Jax held Tara close as they entered JT's room. He looked so helpless lying there unconscious. Gemma laid her head on his chest and sobbed, "oh baby. I never should have left you. I should have been here with you, protecting you." Tara felt so bad, feeling even more guilty.

Tara shook her head, wiping away the tears, "this is all my fault."

"Hey," Jax pulled her from the room, "this is not your fault. Do you hear me? None of this is your fault."

"How can you say that, Jax? I should have just stayed with him…"

"STOP." He growled, "stop blaming yourself for this. This is _his and his family's fault,_ not yours. We will get through this." He pulled her into him and kissed her forehead, "I love you, I love our kids, if this had to happen to have you and them…I would do it all over again."

"Love you too." She sighed into his chest.

 **ONE YEAR LATER**

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday Grace and Abel, happy birthday to you." The group sung to the smiling one-year-old hellions who were already covered in their smash cakes before the tune was even half finished.

Tara snapped picture after picture of her babies and her family. It had been a tough year, losing so many members was hard on a club level but even harder on them as a family. Piney made a full recovery. JT was confined to a wheel chair but he was alive and was able to watch his grandbabies grow up.

Jax and Tara were better than they had ever been. His primary focus was on her and the twins much to her surprise since the club was going through so much shit especially with JT incapacitated.

Opie and Donna welcomed their baby girl into the world a few months after the twins were born.

All charges against the members had been dropped due to it being self-defense.

Everyone missed their fallen family, they would carry them with them everywhere with new patches on their kuttes and in their hearts.

Jax looked around the room with pride and full of love. He had turned the club fully legit. He finally had something he could be proud of, a life he wanted his kids grow up in. A life he didn't have to worry about who was going to attack them next. He could live his life with his girl, his kids, and his club and not be constantly looking over his shoulder for whatever danger was on the horizon.

They had finally gotten their **HAPPILY EVER AFTER.**


End file.
